I had the incredible opportunity to go to the Maldives and stay in a UNESCO Biosphere Reserve in the Indian Ocean, diving, for two weeks. The beauty was unparalleled. It was truly the experience of a lifetime. I even got to film a short there about the importance of preserving marine habitats, which was amazing. I met wonderful people, learned a little of the local language and about the local customs on the various different islands, swam with mantas, sharks and spinner dolphins out in the "wild" - on their terms, not mine. This blog post, however, isn't really about all the poetic awesomeness of the trip. Instead, I thought I'd share a series of funny goofball stories about the little things that provide the comedy in the postcard setting:
1. Sometimes Fish Attack
We were diving with beautiful 6' reef sharks and it was a still and serene experience. No aggression there. Littler fish, however, got a little - ok, a lot - hostile with my dive buddy. We were swimming along, admiring all the gorgeous marine life when a really large fish – we’re pretty sure it was a Jackfish (http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/298681/jack) - made a beeline straight for my buddy's face. At first, he looked happy and you could just see him thinking, “Aww, how nice. The fish isn’t scared of me. She wants to say hi to me.” But, as the fish sped up and torpedoed for his face with a look of complete hostility in its little fish eyes, my dive buddy's happy look changed from "aww, how cute" to concern to fear to terror. The fish literally bulldozed into his face while he first attempted to swim backwards in a complete and ungraceful panic, and then started flailing all over the place. As much as one can laugh underwater, I was laughing. It was hysterical. We pulled back and the fish went still, floating and staring at us like it was a standoff. I bet she was guarding something. We had to make a huge circle around her. I don’t think I will ever forget an able bodied male flailing and silently screaming as he tried to escape the little fish of doom! It was fabulous!
2. Vinegar = Miracle
One dive, we got caught in a really strong current. I got bashed against the rocks repeatedly and got some war wounds on my legs and feet. We literally had to let all the air out of our BCDs and crawl along the ocean floor until we could start a safe ascension. When I got back up on the boat, I had blood all over me. It definitely looked a lot worse than it actually was. The boat crew was totally freaked out and one of the women ran and got the First Aid kit, which contained a clear bottle. She poured the contents of the bottle over the wounds and it stung like a mother. The next day, they were in great shape! I asked what the magical stuff was from the First Aid kit that fixed me so well and she laughed. It was just plain old vinegar! Now I know.
And Then There's The Post Trip Amusement ...
1. My Hairdresser Is In Mourning
Two weeks of diving every day in salt water under a tropical sun made my hair feel like straw and somehow, I always manage to get my hair in knots and tangles on every boat ride and every dive. On one dive, it got so tangled into the back of my mask, we had to find a scissors and hack it off. This doesn't bother me at all although I admit I have these bizarre layers in my now straw-like hair so, when I went back to the States, I went in to get a haircut and fix it. My hairdresser combed out my hair and just stared and stared. He murmered, “Oh. Oh. Oh no.” And looked like he wanted to cry. I found myself in the ironic position of being the one comforting him, telling him, “Hey, don’t worry! I will just deep condition it; it’s ok. Hey, don't cry. Want to see a picture of my dive buddy being attacked by a goldfish? Please don't cry.”
2. My Aesthetician Is In Mourning or Else I'm Pregnant
Let's not start rumors. I am not pregnant. I went in for a facial after the 20 hours of traveling (including the layover) back to the States. I thought it would be great to get a thorough cleansing on a professional level. The aesthetician took one look at me and nodded, asking knowingly, "Are you pregnant?" Shocked, I was wondering if maybe I seriously over-ate on the way home. Aloud, I said, "Ummm...no...why?" She was like, "All the hyper pigmentation on your face! I thought it was due to pregnancy." Huh. And I just thought I had a tan!
1. Sometimes Fish Attack
We were diving with beautiful 6' reef sharks and it was a still and serene experience. No aggression there. Littler fish, however, got a little - ok, a lot - hostile with my dive buddy. We were swimming along, admiring all the gorgeous marine life when a really large fish – we’re pretty sure it was a Jackfish (http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/298681/jack) - made a beeline straight for my buddy's face. At first, he looked happy and you could just see him thinking, “Aww, how nice. The fish isn’t scared of me. She wants to say hi to me.” But, as the fish sped up and torpedoed for his face with a look of complete hostility in its little fish eyes, my dive buddy's happy look changed from "aww, how cute" to concern to fear to terror. The fish literally bulldozed into his face while he first attempted to swim backwards in a complete and ungraceful panic, and then started flailing all over the place. As much as one can laugh underwater, I was laughing. It was hysterical. We pulled back and the fish went still, floating and staring at us like it was a standoff. I bet she was guarding something. We had to make a huge circle around her. I don’t think I will ever forget an able bodied male flailing and silently screaming as he tried to escape the little fish of doom! It was fabulous!
2. Vinegar = Miracle
One dive, we got caught in a really strong current. I got bashed against the rocks repeatedly and got some war wounds on my legs and feet. We literally had to let all the air out of our BCDs and crawl along the ocean floor until we could start a safe ascension. When I got back up on the boat, I had blood all over me. It definitely looked a lot worse than it actually was. The boat crew was totally freaked out and one of the women ran and got the First Aid kit, which contained a clear bottle. She poured the contents of the bottle over the wounds and it stung like a mother. The next day, they were in great shape! I asked what the magical stuff was from the First Aid kit that fixed me so well and she laughed. It was just plain old vinegar! Now I know.
And Then There's The Post Trip Amusement ...
1. My Hairdresser Is In Mourning
Two weeks of diving every day in salt water under a tropical sun made my hair feel like straw and somehow, I always manage to get my hair in knots and tangles on every boat ride and every dive. On one dive, it got so tangled into the back of my mask, we had to find a scissors and hack it off. This doesn't bother me at all although I admit I have these bizarre layers in my now straw-like hair so, when I went back to the States, I went in to get a haircut and fix it. My hairdresser combed out my hair and just stared and stared. He murmered, “Oh. Oh. Oh no.” And looked like he wanted to cry. I found myself in the ironic position of being the one comforting him, telling him, “Hey, don’t worry! I will just deep condition it; it’s ok. Hey, don't cry. Want to see a picture of my dive buddy being attacked by a goldfish? Please don't cry.”
2. My Aesthetician Is In Mourning or Else I'm Pregnant
Let's not start rumors. I am not pregnant. I went in for a facial after the 20 hours of traveling (including the layover) back to the States. I thought it would be great to get a thorough cleansing on a professional level. The aesthetician took one look at me and nodded, asking knowingly, "Are you pregnant?" Shocked, I was wondering if maybe I seriously over-ate on the way home. Aloud, I said, "Ummm...no...why?" She was like, "All the hyper pigmentation on your face! I thought it was due to pregnancy." Huh. And I just thought I had a tan!
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