This past Christmas, I received a tank top that said in bright white letters: “I’m not always a bitch. Just kidding. Go fuck yourself.” For some reason, that made me think of the “I’m sorry” issue that’s been in the news and all over the social media of some of my friends – you know, the one about how American women tend to apologize more than American men and should stop doing so. Some women I know I know have even said to me, “I would normally apologize here but I’m not going to because, you know, women apologize too much so I am not going to say I am sorry.” Hey, uh, what was the point of that whole statement? If you did something wrong, say sorry. If you didn’t, don’t. If you think you might have, you probably did, so say sorry. Unless you’re an ass.
Look, women may very well say “Sorry” more than men. SO THE FUCK WHAT? What is wrong with being fucking nice? What is wrong with saying fucking sorry? I think that instead of reading the statement, “Women say sorry more than men” and immediately thinking “Well, men are always right so women shouldn’t be saying sorry so much! Bad women!” We should, instead, consider the fact that maybe MEN should be saying “Sorry” MORE. Maybe the world would be a lot easier and nicer if we said sorry a little more often, if we took responsibility for our choices, accountability for our actions, admit it when we’re wrong so we can learn and grow from our errors. Maybe it would be cooler if, instead of shoving people out of our way and not apologizing, we at least throw a “Sorry” over our shoulder as we barrel down the street. Or, we could all act like total brats who couldn’t give a shit about anyone but ourselves. From a utilitarian perspective, which is better? From a “Who would I want to live with/near/in the same neighborhood as?” perspective, which is better?
Is this an oversimplification of some gender issues? Maybe…but maybe not. Kind of depends why you were planning to say or not to say sorry. Come on, if you’re saying you’re sorry for everything in the world when (a) these things aren’t your fault and (b) it’s become a verbal tic, yeah, then STOP IT already. But a basic apology when the time calls for it is just basic common courtesy. Or should be.
That’s it. I am not going to go into a whole argument on gender and culture and the sexist attitudes that keep us all down (women and men because sexism is a human issue – news flash!). I am just going to say that just because a majority of men do something, it doesn’t mean it’s good or right or that it’s anything we other humans should necessarily want to emulate. Likewise, just because a majority of women do something, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad or wrong or something we should avoid doing. Me, I’m going to be super nice to nice people and I am going to do justice to my new tank top when dealing with non-nice people.
Someone told me recently women tend to smile more than men, too. I did not think, “Wow, gee, if women tend to smile more than men, then it must be a sign of weakness and stupidity and I should just stop smiling right away.” But, I bet someone did.
Look, women may very well say “Sorry” more than men. SO THE FUCK WHAT? What is wrong with being fucking nice? What is wrong with saying fucking sorry? I think that instead of reading the statement, “Women say sorry more than men” and immediately thinking “Well, men are always right so women shouldn’t be saying sorry so much! Bad women!” We should, instead, consider the fact that maybe MEN should be saying “Sorry” MORE. Maybe the world would be a lot easier and nicer if we said sorry a little more often, if we took responsibility for our choices, accountability for our actions, admit it when we’re wrong so we can learn and grow from our errors. Maybe it would be cooler if, instead of shoving people out of our way and not apologizing, we at least throw a “Sorry” over our shoulder as we barrel down the street. Or, we could all act like total brats who couldn’t give a shit about anyone but ourselves. From a utilitarian perspective, which is better? From a “Who would I want to live with/near/in the same neighborhood as?” perspective, which is better?
Is this an oversimplification of some gender issues? Maybe…but maybe not. Kind of depends why you were planning to say or not to say sorry. Come on, if you’re saying you’re sorry for everything in the world when (a) these things aren’t your fault and (b) it’s become a verbal tic, yeah, then STOP IT already. But a basic apology when the time calls for it is just basic common courtesy. Or should be.
That’s it. I am not going to go into a whole argument on gender and culture and the sexist attitudes that keep us all down (women and men because sexism is a human issue – news flash!). I am just going to say that just because a majority of men do something, it doesn’t mean it’s good or right or that it’s anything we other humans should necessarily want to emulate. Likewise, just because a majority of women do something, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad or wrong or something we should avoid doing. Me, I’m going to be super nice to nice people and I am going to do justice to my new tank top when dealing with non-nice people.
Someone told me recently women tend to smile more than men, too. I did not think, “Wow, gee, if women tend to smile more than men, then it must be a sign of weakness and stupidity and I should just stop smiling right away.” But, I bet someone did.
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