Oh how I love coffee.  Let me count the ways!  My significant other took this photo at one of my two favorite places to get awesome coffee, espresso and lattes, La Conversation in LA.  The other place is King's Road Cafe, also in LA.  All my friends are entirely sick of hearing me say, "What has more antioxidants, a cup of coffee or a cup of blueberries?" and, before they have time to reply, crowing, "A CUP OF COFFEE!" and doing a dance of joy.  So, I thought, besides drinking the stuff, there might be other beneficial uses for coffee.  I looked up a couple of DIY ideas and tried them.  Here are the top three I found:

1.  Coffee to Sooth a Sunburn
Yup, apparently, caffeine can actually help inhibit some forms of skin cancer - not melanoma, unfortunately - at the molecular level(!) when applied topically.  (See, e.g., News Medical).  The DIY remedy is to brew coffee, soak a washcloth in it, wring it out, and gently blot it over sunburned skin.  I didn't have a burn to test this on but I tried it anyway to see if it would feel soothing - it did!  If anyone tries it on a sunburn, let me know how it works for you!

2.  Coffee to Voluminize Your Hair
Caffeine in coffee can supposedly also stimulate the scalp and voluminize hair.  The DIY recommendation is to mix a bit of conditioner with a handful of coffee grounds, work it through your hair, leave it for 5 minutes, and then rinse it out.  I used a dollop of Grown Alchemist Damask Rose, Chamomile and Lavender Stem conditioner (organic, sustainable and NO animal testing or animal derived ingredients) with a handful of used espresso grounds.  I washed my hair, applied the concoction, waited 5 minutes and rinsed.  And rinsed.  And rinsed.  And rinsed.  Umm, yes.  So, ok.  This worked BUT it is remarkably time consuming to get coffee grounds out of your hair, especially when you have thick hair.   This treatment is probably best for people with thin hair (go figure; it is a voluminizing treatment!).  My hair did not need more volume and I looked like I needed to be heading off to Texas when I was done.  Maybe it would have been more "normal" if I used regular coffee grounds instead of espresso.  I probably won't repeat this one but, if you have thin hair, go for it!

3.  Coffee Face Masque to Brighten and Tighten
Mix equal parts coffee grounds and cocoa powder with twice as much whole milk and a teaspoon of honey to lock in moisture.  It's more like liquid than paste but if you brush it on your face with a makeup brush, it dries quickly and was surprisingly mess-free.  You let it dry about 15 minutes and rinse it off.  Definitely felt nice (and smelled wonderful) and left my face soft and glow-y.  I liked this one a lot!

This Christmas, I was feeling frazzled and busy but I wanted to get a quick run in.  The streets were almost deserted, rainy and unseasonably warm.  “Almost” deserted because there were people out but, with only two exceptions, all the people I saw were homeless people.  I thought, “Wow.  It’s like the apocalypse.  This is depressing,” finished my run and hurried home.  Going through the garage, I saw another homeless woman who had taken shelter from the drizzle and was peeing in the corner.  My first impulse was to call security but then I thought, “It’s Christmas.   Leave her alone.  She has no place to go.  I’ll give a tip to the staffer who has clean up duty.”  Then, I ran inside and got sidetracked with dressing up in fancy clothes, wrapping fancy presents in fancy wrapping paper and preparing fancy foods to eat and fancy beverages to drink.
 
My significant other had a very different reaction to a similar experience.  Like me, he went outside to get a workout in.  He went to a public park by the river and, like me, noticed an abnormally large number of homeless people out.  He was working out there for about an hour.  Two homeless men remained constant there.  One lay on a bench staring up into the sky, unmoving, and the other, yards away, sitting by the river and staring.  My SO left and, like me, felt depressed.  He started to go home but then, unlike me, he stopped, swung around and went off in search of a grocery store with hot food.  He purchased a hot dinner and drinks, returned to the park and asked the first man on the park bench if he would like to share a Christmas meal.  The man said sure and then my SO asked if he would mind if they asked the other man by the river to join; he said sure.  The second man didn’t speak much English but he got that it was a meal and the three of them set up the food on a wet park bench and sat down and tucked in and enjoyed a Christmas meal in the drizzle in a public park. 
 
When I heard the story, I realized I had lost sight of what the holidays are really supposed to be all about.  The lesson from his example was the best gift I got this year.

It’s been awhile since I last blogged about the movie The Opposite of a Fairy Tale (http://jenniferbetityen.weebly.com/ethical-is-beautiful-be-beautiful-a-blog/the-opposite-of-a-fairy-tale).   Why the delay?  We’ve been casting, crewing, location scouting, and…FILMING.  That’s right!  The movie has officially been filmed and made its way into post.  Only now that the shooting is over do I truly understand how ambitious this project was (and is).  I wrote a script that literally spanned decades and wide swathes of geography, moving back and forth between the 1940’s in Shanghai, China, the 1950’s in Queens, New York City, and present day upstate New York.  This movie should have had a couple hundred thousand minimum for its budget but it had, well, a lot less.  One man who offered to work with me on the film and then pulled out due to the lack of funds told me that I was unrealistic and foolish; that I could never make the movie I envisioned for the money I had.  I have made a career out of doing things people tell me I can’t do and I told him the movie would be done.  It would be done with the money we had and it would not be delayed and it would be beautiful.  He said good luck. 
 
Stone Soup
I experienced a personal tragedy.  The story and script that rose from that sorrow resulted in a small and wonderful grant.  That grant provided the foundation for pulling in a great production team.  It was like the stone in the children’s tale, “Stone Soup,” an old folk story in which a hungry peddler traveling through a new town convinces the people there to share their food through a scheme that benefits the group from combining their individual resources.  The peddler has only an empty cooking pot and the villagers are unwilling to share any of their food at the beginning of the story. The peddler takes a big stone and puts it in his pot, along with some water and sets it to boil. One of the villagers becomes curious and asks what he is doing. He replies that he is making "stone soup", which tastes wonderful, although it still needs a little bit of garnish to improve the flavor, which is missing. The villager does not mind parting with a few carrots to help provide that garnish as long as she can have a taste of the finished soup, so that gets added to the soup. Another villager walks by, inquiring about the pot, and the travellers again mention their stone soup which has not reached its full potential yet. The villager hands them a little bit of seasoning to help them out. More and more villagers walk by, each adding another ingredient. Finally, a delicious and nourishing pot of soup is enjoyed by all.
 
Like that old folk tale, we started with almost nothing but the story and the idea we could somehow help create a dialogue to bring awareness to elder abuse and even prevent it.  And, like the weary traveler, my director and I began to pull in people, asking for “just a bit of garnish” to make this movie even better.  Like the curious villagers, people appeared out of the woodwork.  Unlike the villagers in the tale, however, these people came with big hearts right from the start, willing and eager to help.
 
First, my art director pulled in a director of photography, an award winning filmmaker who originally we could only afford to pay for 3 (a max of 4) days of shooting.  However, as we all became invested in the story and the mission of helping others, that 3 day shoot became 7 days.  He became a collaborating director, himself, creating shot lists and hundreds of ideas.  Then, there was the casting.  Finding stellar union actors willing to work for deferred payment was something we did not imagine would be easy.  We put out a casting call and, to our shock, received hundreds and hundreds of submissions.  Nearly 800 actors submitted for just one of the roles, many of them including personal notes about how elder abuse had affected them or their families.  I’ll be frank:  I cried when I read some of those beautiful actor submissions.
 
I lucked out with a cast and crew of people so full of heart.  They all bent over backwards to add every “garnish” they could think of to our pot of “Stone Soup.”  The actors ASKED for rehearsals because they wanted to be sure they were perfect when filming actually began.  The director of photography, who teaches filmmaking, brought in his students, who were hungry for experience, to crew the film.  The makeup artist, who normally charges $1500 a day, waived his fee and brought in a second makeup artist, who traveled all the way from Maryland just to work on the film.  One actor did his best to help us find more crew.  Another actor donated to help fund craft services.  One of the sound guys gave up a lucrative job to jump in and save the day on the last day of shooting.   Everyone was above average.  Everyone was incredible.
 
Then, there were the locations, which we had no money left to pay for.  My team and I were obsessed with shooting at New York’s Tenement Museum for scenes that took place in 1950’s New York tenement buildings.  Unfortunately, our “Stone Soup” did not tempt the Tenement Museum.  They did not return our calls or emails.  We were a week from shooting and needed a tenement.  My art director took a deep breath and informed me she had the answer.  The answer was emptying her home – putting her furniture in storage – and literally turning her apartment into the tenement, through painting, wallpapering and re-furnishing.  It was nothing short of a miracle. 
 
We had also hoped to use the famous Chinese Scholar’s Garden for the Shanghai scenes, since, obviously, we had no budget for travel to China.  Unlike the Tenement Museum, the folks at the Chinese Scholar’s Garden did kindly return our calls but the fee they asked for was far, far beyond our budget so we were left without our Shanghai.  Again, my art director and director of photography came to the rescue, turning themselves into location scouts!  They found a bamboo forest in a Brooklyn park (!).  On the day we shot the Shanghai scene, we arrived and sat on stones amidst the bamboo, facing a lake off of which mist rose in great white sheets.  It looked…perfect. 
 
In the words of the lead actress, Jo Yang, the shoot was the opposite of the opposite of a fairy tale.  Everything came into place.  Just like all the vegetables and grains added to the pot of water that held a simple river stone, everyone came together to pool their talents and resources to create something amazing.  My first lesson was thus one of heart.  It is easy to think badly of people but this film taught me you cannot overestimate the kindness of strangers.  People want to help when they see a problem.  They need only the opportunity and the inspiration and they then prove themselves capable of great heart.  We had little money, but we had a lot of heart and that heart proved worth more than the hundreds of thousands of dollars some people thought we needed.

 A friend recently asked, “How come you haven’t blogged anything about Donald Trump?  I thought you would.”  Honestly, it’s been a combination of being busy and, frankly, just hating to acknowledge the existence of such a being.  I can sum up my thoughts about Donald Trump in one sentence: 
 
“Donald Trump is the US’s present day would-be Hitler.” 
 
If you think Trump has a lot of great things to say, do me a favor and read Hitler’s Willing Executioners and see how you feel after you’re done.  Will we have another history book in a decade or two about how ordinary Americans lined up to eagerly deprive certain religious groups of rights, torture and kill people, deport nearly half their population, stories of Latino and Muslim Anne Franks forced to go into hiding to escape the US's tyranny, and, well, you get the idea?  You do know what Trump wants to do, right?  If not, you can get a nice, quick taste of the poison in Timothy Egan's well-written NYTimes piece here (In part, "Trump promises to arrest, sort, and deport 11 million people — a number more than 25 percent higher than the entire population of New York City. This from the nominal leader of a party that doesn’t think government can do anything well. In practice, (imagine the viral videos) the new operation would prompt a million Hispanic Anne Franks — people hiding in the attics and basements of Donald Trump’s America.")
 
I don’t really believe suffering makes anyone stronger; I believe it strips you down to your core and shows you what you’re made of.  Germany has suffered and now this plain, small woman is fearlessly holding it together – not just Germany, but the whole EU – and welcoming refugees in staggering numbers.  France responded to terrorist attacks with a rally for peace and the hashtag #RefugeesWelcome.  Australia with the hashtag #IllRideWithYou. 
 
In the US, on the other hand, we have Donald Trump.  Ted Cruz.  The “Tea Party.”  And, of course, their  "ordinary, American" supporters.  A series of hatemongers so awful that even former Republican House Speaker John Boehner couldn’t take it, calling the Cruz set “false prophets.”  See CNN.  I’m not a fan of bringing religion into politics but if even a guy as conservative as Boehner thinks the Republican party is spiraling of control, maybe we ought to take that seriously.  (Forbes)
 
People like Trump make me ashamed of my country.  He represents all that is wrong, evil, base, gauche, and ignorant about this young country.  Perhaps we should look to other nations led by people like Merkel and Hollande and take a lesson from our elders.  That is, if we want to be "good."  Especially during holiday season, we like to talk a lot about being "good."  What does that really mean?  Being kind, compassionate, generous?  If we want to be good, we should be good.  Being good doesn't mean you'll get a reward, though.  It just means you were strong enough to do what is right for its own sake.  Whether you will act with that kind of strength and courage is entirely up to you.

Did you think I was going to use a c word that rhymes with runt in a post similar to my post about the word “B*tch” (ethical-is-beautiful-be-beautiful-a-blog/whats-in-a-word-bitch)  Not this time.  This time it’s a much more frightening word – cancer.  Cancer, in some form or fashion affects approximately 39.6 percent of men and women at some point during their lifetime, based on 2010-2012 data. (National Cancer Institute, seer.cancer.gov/statfacts/html/all.html).  That’s a lot of people.  Even so, I never thought it would affect me.
 
Around the late summer, I went to Murray Hill Dermatology and saw a dermatologist I’d seen several times, Dr. Rabbin, for my annual skin check.  I showed her a dark spot on my leg that was kind of worrying me for no good reason.  It was small, flat and fairly boring looking.  Dr. Rabbin told me it was fine.  She declined to biopsy or scrape and showed me some scary photos of melanoma to demonstrate how normal my skin was.  Nonetheless, I had a funny feeling and it was bugging me so I decided to make an appointment with a second dermatologist.  I couldn’t get in to see anyone for a month and then it was actually a PA, not an MD, but the PA was very nice.  She took a look at the little spot and said it was probably nothing but that “We trust gut feelings” so she said she’d do a scrape and a biopsy.  I felt better and forgot all about it until I got a message from the PA, saying to call her right away, with a direct dial that skips reception.  You know that’s not so good.  I called her and she said the pathology report came back and it was “malignant melanoma but early.”  I couldn’t believe it.  I was shocked.  I’d always been told melanoma affects only those who had serious sunburns in that area (I hadn’t) or a family history of it (none that I was aware of).  According to the Skin Cancer Foundation, one person dies of melanoma EVERY HOUR and an “estimated 73,870 new cases of invasive melanoma will be diagnosed in the US in 2015. An estimated 9,940 people will die of melanoma in 2015. Melanoma accounts for less than two percent of skin cancer cases, but the vast majority of skin cancer deaths.” (http://www.skincancer.org/skin-cancer-information/skin-cancer-facts) .  It’s the most common form of cancer for young adults 25-29 years old and the second most common form of cancer for young people 15-29 years old and once you get it, you’re nine times more likely than someone who hasn’t to get it again.  See id. 
 
Getting a call like that is not cool.  Three days later, they had me in for surgery and the surgeon said, “Well, you’re going to have a sizeable scar.”  I was thinking, “If I get to stay alive, I will be happy to trade a scar for that.”  This was right before Thanksgiving.  I asked when I might get the pathology results and the admin staff was quite blasé.  They said, “Well, you know how it is, it’s the holidays.  Might take some time.”  Of course.  The holidays.  Take your time, lab people, while I sit here in anguish wondering if I will ever get to be 40 years old.  Before, I didn’t want to turn 40 but now I really, really want to turn 40 … and 50 … and 60 … and so on.  The Monday following Thanksgiving, I called the office again and the admin was very snippy with me.  She said, “I have no idea why it’s taking so long; it has been 10 days but…well, it’s the holidays.  Have some patience.”  I tried very hard to be polite and said, “Sure, but I am just worried.  I know I’m bothering you and I don’t want to do that but do you have a rough idea when I could call back?”  She was like, “No.”  Thanks.  Thanks, Lady.  One thing I am discovering about doctors in the US is that a lot of their staff and sometimes the doctors themselves lack basic bedside manner and, even in the so-called “fancy” offices, they’re rushed, don’t take time with the patients and can be brusque and rude.  It’s like they forgot this is someone’s LIFE they’re addressing.  I understand becoming inured to hurt and pain after seeing it over and over, but maybe just pretend you feel warmth – it will make the patient feel better – especially the office staff!  It’s not as though they’re in the trauma ward all day.   This isn’t to say I am not so grateful to have had a doctor to do this biopsy and this surgery!  I am!  And the surgeon seemed really skilled and talented, which is, of course, a good thing. 
 
The other thing besides the waiting that was frightening was the idea that the original doctor was so sure the spot was nothing and declined to even scrape it.  What if I’d just said ok and not sought a second dermatologist out?  The answer is painfully obvious. 
 
Then there’s the scar.  The funny thing is I kind of like it.  It reminds me I am strong.  It reminds me I am alive.  For now.  It gives me character.  I am ok with a scar.
 
If you’re reading this, my only take away is that if you have a funny feeling about something having to do with your health, check it out and, if you don’t agree what the doctor tells you, get another opinion.  Doctors are fallible and you know your body better than anyone else.  Don’t let yourself be bullied or intimidated by someone just because she or he uses big words and has a bunch of diplomas on the wall.  And, if you would, wish me luck.