Immigrants and the topic of immigration generally has been a touchy subject and highly politicized for years.  The past year, however, has seen a significant increase in media coverage of so-called “nationalism” and rising fears about and for immigrants in the United States, as well as across the world.  
 
I blogged about two experiences I had with immigrants in New York City – one in which I felt a woman who couldn’t speak much English was being strong-armed and one in which I met a woman who was a math professor in her native country and now a tui na massage therapist in her new country.  You can read those posts here and here.  The experiences inspired me to approach the Board of the Film Lab, an entertainment media non-profit I am the president of, to see if the Film Lab could utilize the arts to draw together people from all walks of life to have an open and honest dialogue about immigration and what it means to be an “American,” in a safe space that would allow people to admit fears they might have and address them in a constructive way.  The answer was an overwhelming YES!
 
We began by soliciting short written stories based on the writers’ personal experiences from people across the country.  I’m excited to be able to use this blog to publish those stories and we invite everyone to – politely and constructively, please – comment and share their own stories and ask the writers questions online.  You can use the blog posts or join the conversation on Facebook.com/AsAmFilmLab or on Twitter @asamfilmlab #Immigrant #American #RepresentationMatters #ImmigrantsTheyAreUsWeAreThem
 
The second prong of the project consists of collecting video footage of people from around the country, describing what “immigrant” means to them.  Those tapes will be rolling out on Facebook.com/AAFLTV and on the Film Lab’s YouTube channel, www.YouTube.com/asamfilmlab.  Again, please comment, question, like, share, and take part in the dialogue.  Feel free to upload your own video describing what “immigrant” means to you, what you think it means to be an “American,” and what your feelings are on the topic of immigration.
 
Finally, we will be holding live events in New York City, using live theatre, film and television to create interactive, open and honest conversation about immigrants, immigration and what it means to be an “American.” 
 
I am thrilled to announce that our first stage event is a collaboration with The Tank and Leviathan Lab that will take place in February 2019 at The Tank in New York City. Leviathan’s Executive Director, Ariel Estrada, will be working with me and with all of the Film Lab team to create a stage piece for the public.  We hope to raise more funds to create multiple live and interactive events across the city.
 
I’m excited about this project and hope you’ll join us in reaching out to create a real conversation about a topic that has become anything but simple.
 
The Writers
A special thanks to the writers contributing to this project:
 
April Xiong
April Xiong is a writer, director, and editor. Her short film "Drive," adapted from the poetry of Hettie Jones, was featured in the 2018 Visible Poetry Project. Having traveled the world in search of unheard stories, she is devoted to exploring the voice of the other in her writing and films.  Social Media & Websites:
Instagram: @april.xiong
Facebook: @april.q.xiong
Website: https://www.aprilxiong.com/
Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/aprilxiong
 
Avantika Rao
Avantika contributes to spiraling up justice through direct service (particularly to immigrant survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and/or modern-day slavery), uplifting diverse candidates into the legal profession, and collaboratively detonating injustice and prejudice.  Avantika has defended (adult & child) immigrants at the US-Mexico border and served as a founding attorney in San Francisco's immigrant defense network.  Her Sacramento-based law practice operates at the intersection of immigration & human rights.  Prior to law school, Avantika studied environmental and gender policy in the U.S., India, & Nepal.  She prefers milk chocolate to dark. ​
 
Eriko Tsogo
Eriko Tsogo is a Mongolian American visual artist and filmmaker born on the steppes of Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. Eriko grew up in Budapest, Hungary and immigrated to the United States with her family at the age of 8. She is an alumni of Denver School of the Arts (2008), having attained her B.F.A (2012) from the School of the Museum of Fine Arts Boston and Tufts University. She is based in Denver and mindscape Mongolia but lives bi-coastally in the US.  Eriko has had numerous art shows, curatorial projects and art residencies throughout the United States. Alongside pursuing her artistic practice, Eriko works as the Creative Director at the Mongolian Culture and Heritage Center of Colorado. She is also a published author and founder of “HiliteDreamer”contemporary apparel line. She is currently in process of completing her first international documentary animation film project between Colorado and Mongolia, due to release in 2019.  Eriko’s ever-revolving identity as a first generation Mongolian American nomadic voyeur profoundly shapes her artistic process. Her artworks act as part biographical expose, portraying the universal psychological inner journey of the marginal identity thereby helping transform through the power of empathy, inspiration, and empowerment.
 
Jen Yen (me!)
My bio is here
 
Riti Sachdeva
www.ritisachdeva.com
IG: @midniteschild
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrBSU9I7zOWxERjC1fPnAwQ/featured?disable_polymer=1

Roman Sotelo
Roman Sotelo is a graduate of Digital Photography and Imaging in Pratt Institute and Digital Cinematography in New York University. He is currently studying Filmmaking in School of Visual Arts.  www.romansotelofilm.com
 
Rosa H. Soy
Rosa Soy received a “Meet the Composer” grant for the “Future Feminine”a mixed-media project, and is the co-writer of The Rose Slippers,a children’s musical, an award recipient of the 2004 Jackie White Children’s theater competition. Rosa’s plays Esperanzaand The Planhave received staged readings at New Jersey regional theaters. Her play Venial Sinswas selected for the 2004 Samuel French festival in New York.  And her short playPigeonswas presented at the 2005 Samuel French festival in New York.  Her play “Off Balance” was presented at Luna Stage Theater Company in Montclair NJ.  Rosa served as playwright in residence for Passaic County Community College during 2009 and 2010.  She is currently working on a book about her experiences as an immigration lawyer.
 
Shu-Ju Ada Cheng
Ada Cheng is a professor-turned storyteller and performing artist. She has been featured at storytelling shows in Chicago, Atlanta, Cedar Rapids, New York, Asheville, and Kansas City. She debuted her first solo show, Not Quite: Asian American by Law, Asian Woman by Desire, in January 2017, which later received a great review from Washington Post. She debuted her second solo show, Breaking Rules, Broken Hearts: Loving across Borders, with Fillet of Solo in January 2018. In addition to performing it at The Exit Theatre in San Francisco in June, she will also bring it to the United Solo Theatre Festival New York in October this year. Ada is the producer and the host of the show, Am I Man Enough: A Storytelling/Podcasting Show, where people tell personal stories to critically examine the culture of toxic masculinity and the construction of masculinity and manhood. She is also the co-producer and co-host of Talk Stories: An Asian American/Asian Diaspora Storytelling Show, a show that features Asian/Asian American performing artists and storytellers. Her motto: Make your life the best story you tell. Her website: www.renegadeadacheng.com.
 
Valery Valtrain
Val Valtrain is a writer, a mother, an American, an immigrant, and the daughter of immigrants.  She is interning with the Film Lab.
 
Widelyne Laporte
Widelyne was born in Haiti and migrated to the United States at the age of 3 with her mother.  Widelyne is now a citizen, a licensed practical nurse and an actor.  
Facebook.com/widelyne.laporte

**Special thanks to Ricardo Arechiga for his graphic design of the project logo**

An Open Letter to  John T. Reilly or whoever the current CEO of SeaWorld Entertainment is by the time this blog post is published (there’s been a lot of turnover)[1]:
 
This will be short and sweet.  Most of us have seen Blackfish.[2]  Many of us have boycotted SeaWorld.[3]  The PR nightmare SeaWorld faces continues despite clever-ish (sorry) ad campaigns that have marginally raised some numbers, however, I have very exciting news for you that, frankly, you should have been able to figure out on your own.  You can fix it without needing morals or a conscience!  SeaWorld’s Board of Directors seem to be lacking morals or consciences anyway, so let’s just move forward with a plan to rehab SeaWorld in the public eye in a way that will make you gobs and gobs of money without worrying about morals. Sound good?
 
I.      SeaWorld the Sanctuary 

First, just grab a couple of those pesky animal welfare activists that are taking your profits down the toilet and hire them in  consultant positions to (1) turn SeaWorld into a for-profit sanctuary wherein the whole park becomes basically a park/museum for SeaWorld Rescue.[4]  Yes, yes, I know SeaWorld Rescue currently only accounts for something pathetic like a 0.0006% revenue spend.[5]  Change that. Make the whole “Explore! Inspire!  Act!  SeaWorld Cares!” thing your new business model and make those pesky animal welfare people partner with you to transition over.  You keep the parks and lose the dolphins and orcas, but you can keep the injured/sick/unable to survive in the wild animals you “save,” who will now be “ambassadors” for their species to hordes of adoring children at your new sanctuary, all of whom will be accompanied by parents with pockets full of cash they’re dying to spend in this fab new guilt-free “sanctuary” of a park. Getting the animal welfare people (especially PETA) on board as consultants and getting them to link their names with yours gives you legitimacy with their followers (all those people currently protesting you) and makes them invested in your success – ohhhh, the joy of it when they tell their people to support you and buy a ticket for “doing the right thing.”
 
II.        Pay-Per-View for a Literal “Free Willy” Series of Moments 

OK, you’ve got a bunch of dolphins and whales being masturbated- err, mistreated-err, whatever, at your “park,” right now.[6]  You’ve got protesters in the street about it and you’ve got big animal welfare organizations pissed off.  Never mind animal welfare!  You’ve got to save your bank account!  Breath, just breath.  It’s not that hard.  As you do your amazing PR makeover from SeaWorldSuxto SeaWorldSanctuaryas outlined in Section I, above, you’ll get those aforementioned animal welfare peeps to advise you on how and where to release the dolphins and orcas – I know, I know, you’re already crying.  Stop crying. You’re going to make a ton of money and it will keep coming.  MORE money than you’ll make from the current captives.  You will do a huge, glitzy media blast all along the lines of “Free Willy” (don’t worry; most people don’t know the real Willy had a less than happy ending to his story when he died of Pneumonia, and, anyway, you can learn from that and be prepared).  Every dolphin and whale will have a live interactive media platform users can interact with and they can donate to send “Wanda” or whoever to the ocean or to a Sea Sanctuary[7](you will have to send some proceeds to the Sea Sanctuary-sorry, but you’ll still make a ton of money).  There will be a countdown clock at the top to the time the animals are released.  Each release will be a different (pay) event and on a different day involving concerts (which you’ll charge for) and viewing parties (which you’ll charge for) and lots of cool T-shirts (which you’ll charge for).  I urge you to send your orcas with still-living wild mother orcas in the open ocean right back to those wild mamas because…just think of the ratings! That’s such an intense reunion and if it fails, well, you’ll just blame it on your animal welfare consultants and show how you did the right thing and sometimes life isn’t perfect, but you’ll make a ton of money promoting the event, giving rights to televise and stream the event, maybe selling tickets to some boats full of gawkers to watch the event with lots of beer and SeaWorld swag.  Then there will be the books, the movies, the talk shows.  When SeaWorld finally began to care!  And everyone will think you’re a saint when really you’re just making tons of money.  How great would that be?   You can have lines of shirts and tote bags for each animal – “Free So-And-So!” and YOU get all the profits this time, not those animal welfare organizations.  Take that, haters!
 
You can easily make this drag on for a full year of releases and make money hand over fist while gleaming under the light of your new halo and continuing your dicey animal exhibitions with the poor rescued animals SeaWorldRescue finds injured and unable to return to the wild.  Your park attendees don't care whether it's an adorable injured seal or a kidnapped, tortured orca they're watching live - they really don't.  
 
III.       Live Streaming and Online Interactions in Sea Sanctuaries … or the Open Ocean if You’re Feeling Particularly Bold 

Now, on those multi-media platforms you’re using for each animal, you can list all the reasons the animals might NOT survive in the open ocean – because you made them to used to humans, deprived them of the ability to learn to hunt, socialize, or maybe something more PR-friendly, but make it clear this is a game of risk!  This game is for the bold.  Everyone’s hearts will be on tenterhooks.  The release party isn’t the end of this profit making game at all!  People can pay to tune in to follow the progress of each animal and donate to the Sea Sanctuary, if she or he is in a Sea Sanctuary (with a piece going to you, too, of course) or pay to follow tracking progress in the great wide ocean.  If you’re transparent about the possibility for sad endings, you still win.  “Yes, she did die, but she died with her loving mother in the ocean she was born in; not in a tiny concrete tank and you should donate to us now to help us save other animals from those similar fates we gave them in the first place!  Money please!”  It’ll work, but just don’t say it quite like that.  And don’t forget the very real possibility that the story endings could be really happy. The animals could live for a really long time and excited SeaWorld lovers could follow their progress, donate towards “research” about them and continue to buy all sorts of themed products based on them.  
 
Conclusion
The concerts will return.  The crowds will return.  The MONEY will return.  You don’t care about doing the right thing.  But you do care about money.  This plan is for the bold company who knows how to take a lemon[8]and make a billion dollars out of it.  
 
You’re welcome.
 
 
 


[1]https://www.orlandoweekly.com/Blogs/archives/2018/06/11/seaworld-leadership-shake-up-continues-as-the-company-moves-into-the-next-chapter-of-its-recovery

[2]http://www.blackfishmovie.com

[3]https://www.livekindly.co/seaworld-attendance-drops-more-than-half-million-visitors/

[4]https://seaworldcares.com/Rescue-at-Seaworld/

[5]https://grist.org/living/seaworld-only-spends-0-0006-percent-of-revenue-on-animal-rescue-and-rehabilitation/

[6]https://www.seaworldofhurt.com/features/dolphins-whales-dont-belong-at-seaworld/

[7]https://www.seaworldofhurt.com/sea-sanctuaries-sure-thing-get-program-seaworld/

[8]https://support.peta.org/page/1943/action/1

Feminist Thor
 
Female (and male) moviegoers cued up in lines across the country when Wonder Woman made it to theaters. The 1980’s classic was beloved by many but while Batman, Superman, Spiderman, the Hulk, and a host of other Marvel and DC heroes got the silver screen treatment, sheroes for the most part, remained supporting cast. It was monumental then, when Marvel brought Wonder Woman to the big screen. 
 
The movie was indeed wonderful. Diana Prince was confident, principled, beautiful, compassionate, and strong. On top of that, any romantic interludes were a part of the story, not the story. On the surface, she was the shero the #metoo movement had been waiting for. But while I enjoyed the movie, I didn’t resonate with my own experience. Diana’s story, her origins as the daughter of a god, nurtured in a strong matriarchical society, was too far from our current cultural and political reality. It was based on a Marvel universe that didn’t mirror my reality. Instead, I found a story that rang truer in, of all places, Thor: Ragnorak.
 
I will admit that I had never seen a Thor movie before, watched it on the plane, and was drawn in by the hunky lead actor (and Cate Blanchett). You’re right to be skeptical that a movie about a beefy Norse god, would be feminist. The very mythology of Thor is paternalistic, from the unilateral way Odin rules Asgard, to his relationship with his sons, to the lack of strong female characters. I watched the previous two movies to learn that the main female character in those movies was a waif-y but brilliant and brave human. Even Thor’s mother (hello, Renee Russo!), while courageous, is bested in one short scene.
 
However, Thor: Ragnorak has a strong female character in Cate Blanchett’s, Hela. But she’s the villain you exclaim! She plays the anti-hero! Her character is reductive and falls into the camp of heartless, child-less, dragon lady. While this is true, Blanchett gives her so much more depth, and the telling of her history lifts up the plight of women. It doesn’t pay homage to women by casting a woman in a powerful role, it pays homage to women by telling a truer story of women in history. 
 
Moreover, Hela’s story is told by Hela (all the better that it’s in Blanchett’s voice), uninterrupted. I think it’s important that Hela tells her own story, almost entirely alone, and it’s not an explanation before a big fight scene. This is even more remarkable given that Hela is villain. As Hela walks into the throne room with her recently anointed henchman, Skurge, she pieces the Michaelango-esque ceiling with spears (which magically appear in her hands) and pulls down the murals of Odin and Thor’s triumphs in battle. The ceiling gives way and reveals a hidden history of Hela riding alongside Odin, wielding the famous hammer. She was the one who conquered the nine realms and built Asgard but Odin has hidden this past. This point is made clearer when Hela addresses the citizens of Asgard and asks them to kneel before her. Granted that’s not the best way to get people to respect you, that wasn’t why the Asgardians refused. As she proclaimed, “Does no one know who I am? Does no one know our history?”
 
They don’t because Odin has erased her from Asgard’s history and taken credit for all of it, presenting himself as the sole hero. Upon entering Odin’s chamber of treasures, Hela knocks over a golden vase, flatly stating, “fake”. She challenges and exposes Odin’s manufactured grandeur, from the treasures to peace treaties.
 
Even Hela’s depiction as drawing her power from Asgard could be a nod to women-centered wiccan and pagan religions. And maybe the final scene where Hela battles the demon-monster as he destroys Asgard, is reflects the destruction of women-centered societies and power, because destroying Asgard is the only way to destroy Hela.
 
Our collective human history has somehow managed to erase the contributions of women. Matriarchical societies were more common than we have been taught. Women held high status as healers, priestesses, keepers of knowledge, and political leaders but most modern history books fail to include those stories. Not surprisingly, Hollywood has marched in step. Only recently have more movies been focused on women’s contributions. Hidden Figures and Big Eyes come to mind. Thus, in telling Hela’s story, her demonization and erasure, in my opinion, is a truer depiction of the struggle of women and, ultimately a feminist act.
 
I searched the web for answers as to why this version of Thor was so markedly different from the previous two. In the third installment of the franchise (excluding cross-overs) Thor seems to have matured from a one-dimensional strong, silent type to a neurotic, sensitive, and hilarious superhero who’s still able to kick butt. The hair cut was also a welcome change. The selection of Taika Waititi may have been a big factor although I found several interviews with lead actor, Chris Hemsworth voicing a desire to break out of his too-tight armor and have some fun. First, well done gentleman. The combination of Waititi’s history of directing independent works that feature under-represented people (Two Cars, One Night) and varied subject matter and genre exploration combined with Hemsworth’s comedic bent meant for a very enjoyable movie. 
 
But I didn’t find anything to suggest that either men were looking to uplift women or tell a different history. Maybe it was the influence of Academy Award winning actress Cate Blanchett. While Blanchett gives interviews in which she riffs about being Marvel’s first female villain, she doesn’t expound on this point. I hadn’t even realized that Hela was the first female villain, another notch for womankind.
 
But it wasn’t just the uplifting of women, the story also dismantles some paternalistic elements of the past two movies. In the first two movies, Odin is portrayed as the powerful but benevolent king who brought peace to the universe and forgiving father to Loki (who tried to dethrone him yet he wasn’t imprisoned!). In Ragnarok, we see a dark side to Odin. Viewers will probably forgive him for abandoning and imprisoning his first-born (she is the goddess of death, after all), but that is very poor parenting at the least and abusive at the worst. As Hela explained, “I was his weapon in the conquest of the nine realms.” He fed her appetite for destruction but when he couldn’t control her anymore, he dispensed with her. Or maybe he felt challenged by her power? He also doesn’t show remorse for imprisoning her or accept any blame for creating the situation. The story finally gets complicated.
 
In the end, the movie’s depiction of the history of women is more realistic and relevant to today’s climate than the depiction of the history of women in Wonder Woman. I’m not sure any of this was intentional. The optimist in me wants to believe that it wasn’t because that means Hollywood has realized how our histories and narratives are sometimes manufactured for the benefit of the male hero and is unintentionally unwinding and exposing that revisionist history.
 

Many NYC actors know Marci Phillips as the head of ABC TV’s New York Casting Office.  Additionally, she is the longest-running judge of the 72 Hour Shootout, a film competition the Film Lab (a non-profit I run) has held annually for over a decade to promote gender and ethnic diversity in entertainment media.  
 
Marci is also the author of a book called “The Present Actor.”  She gave me this book during the course of an acting class I took with her this summer and it really resonated with me because it addressed acting, of course, but went far deeper than that by substantively discussing  being good to your body, eating healthily, being a nice person, and having a healthy, happy spiritual life in order to be truly professionally fulfilled and happy.  
 
Because that advice applies to and can help everyone, not just actors, I reached out to Marci and asked if she would be willing to do an interview for EIBBB.  Happily, she said yes!   I am delighted to present her oh-so-wise insights for you! **Note:  the opinions expressed by Marci are her own, not necessarily ABC’s or Disney’s and all health-related information discussed is informational only and should not be considered a substitute for medical advice from a duly licensed physician.  OK, had to do that.  Now, onwards!**

Can you tell us a little about your background and what first interested you in compassionate, healthy, spiritual living? 

I had a very colorful childhood – full of yin & yang, good & bad, fun & dread. I was given some incredibly difficult challenges at a very young age and I’m grateful for them. Hardships foster perspective and help you to develop a great deal of empathy and compassion for one’s fellow beings!

You recently wrote a book called “The Present Actor,” in which you address, in part, a myriad of ways actors can use nutrition, physical exercise, spirituality, and, basically, healthy living to alleviate stress and even to improve their creativity and career growth.  What are some of the most important takeaways for people - not just actors, but anyone - who want to use a healthy and compassionate lifestyle to make life richer and fuller? 

Most people take better care of their possessions than they do their own bodies. When you’re 25 years old, make choices for yourself that the 65 year old you will be grateful for. The fuel and building blocks of nutrition that you give to your body today will also affect your health and well-being when you’re much older. We all want to be as productive as possible and to be useful in this world for as long as we can. You make choices every single day of your life that either helps that or hinders that.

You advise actors to "just say no" to substances like dairy, gluten and sugar.  Can you elaborate a little on that? 

Some people have no problem with Dairy but it’s the cause of phlegm, skin and stomach problems for others. Listen to your body, it’s always telling you what’s going on (if you’re paying attention)! If you do eat it, the best dairy is raw & organic as the process of pasteurization kills all of the enzymes. Raw dairy is legal in many states but not NY – here you can only purchase raw cheese. Gluten is another substance that affects some people more than others. But even if you don’t have Celiac’s disease or aren’t overtly sensitive to gluten, it causes inflammation of the gut, brain fog, skin problems and makes you vulnerable to autoimmune diseases.  Any high carb diet, gluten or no gluten, will cause sugar spikes in your bloodstream. Sugar is rat poison, plain & simple. You can cripple your immune system for up to 5 hours after eating sugar….who can afford to do that?!  If you think that you can’t stop eating sugar, it’s been said that this insidious white powder is more addictive than heroin. It will eventually make you fat and screw up the inner ecology of your gut – causing skin problems and a host of cascading diseases. It’s the number one source of food & fuel for Cancer cells….yikes. You don’t have to believe me, your body will yell at you sooner or later!

We have another blog piece on meditation, featuring psychotherapist Lisa Story here, however, it's such a useful, helpful thing for everyone's mental clarity - and you can do it for free and in your own home! - that we want to mention it again.  You talk in your book about the benefits of meditation.  Can you give some technique tips to laypeople who want to try it out? 

I wish I could master it but I suck at meditation, so I follow the advice given by a Traditional Chinese Medicine Doctor to close my eyes and just count backwards from 200!

What are some of your favorite supplements and why? 

I take about 10 -15 supplements at any given time but 3 of my favorites are: Proteolytic enzymes between meals, as they reduce inflammation, break down protein-based foreign bodies and boost immunity…..Vitamin D3 with MK7 - as Vitamin D ensures that calcium is absorbed but MK7 directs it to specifically where it’s needed, like your bones…..and Probiotics to repopulate the gut with good bacteria as most of us have decimated our inner ecology through tap water alone! But I’m not a doctor so don’t take anything that I mention here unless a doctor tells you to!

Homeopathy!  Can you give a little advice on how to find a good homeopathic doctor to readers in the NY Area (or CA, if you know of any!)? 

I rely on ZocDoc….maybe a bit too much! Research and vet any healthcare person that you go to…..just because someone has a title doesn’t mean that they’re any good.

There are so many amazing herbs out there and a myriad of herbal remedies and we don't have room to talk about all of them, however, could you choose, perhaps, your top 3 and tell us a little about them? 

Stomach Formula – a time tested mixture of Aloe Vera, peppermint and many herbs that soothe any minor stomach ailment – you can buy it in any decent health food store or online. But I’m not a doctor so don’t take anything that I mention here unless a doctor tells you to!
 
Yin Chiao Chieh Tu Pien – my favorite Chinese Herbal supplement when you feel you may be coming down with a cold or flu! But I’m not a doctor so don’t take anything that I mention here unless a doctor tells you to!
 
Jade Wind Screen Formula – another time honored Chinese supplement with Astragalus, Chinese Yam and other herbs to boost immunity. But I’m not a doctor so don’t take anything that I mention here unless a doctor tells you to!

Is there any other advice or feedback you'd like to share with EIBBB readers? 

If you look for what’s wrong in your career, in others and in yourself, you’ll always find it……and it’s the same thing when you look for what’s right.

Last, but not least, what does the phrase "Ethical is Beautiful; Be Beautiful" mean to you? 
​
Hmmmmm……“ethical” is a subjective term. I know people who worship certain leaders right now who consider themselves to be “ethical”. I prefer the phrase “Being Humane & Considerate is Beautiful. Be Beautiful”
 
And, because, we have to, on more time:  
**Note:  the opinions expressed by Marci are her own, not necessarily ABC’s or Disney’s and all health-related information discussed is informational only and should not be considered a substitute for medical advice from a duly licensed physician.**

In New York, the City has an anti-terrorism or public safety type of poster campaign in which you see pictures of abandoned backpacks with the implication being they could hold bombs and the pictures urge the viewers, “If You See Something, Say Something!”  I think this suggestion could very well apply to racism and sexism as well as abandoned backpacks.
 
In a wonderful article for The Root, Michael Harriot made that point (and more) in exhorting white people to speak up every single time they saw racism.  https://www.theroot.com/white-people-are-cowards-1826958780
 
What about sexism and sexism in sports?  What about if men spoke up every time it happened and said, “Oh, hey, maybe let’s not do that, ok?”
 
I’ve blogged before about systemic gender bias in sports (see, e.g., here and here).  One thing I see over and over again – in all aspects of life, including sports – is men who recognize wrongful micro-aggressions yet turn a blind eye or even create excuses for the misconduct.  At best, they are passive aggressive in their response to it.  If men stood up for gender parity, the world would be far more egalitarian.  Instead, as with many dominant animal groups, they leave it to the subjugated to try to free themselves.
 
Let me be more specific. This is going to start as a happy story for gender equality.  I have taken boxing classes for many years and I love boxing.  I took it in Boston and the classes were roughly 50/50 male/female teachers and students and I never once experienced gender bias there (truly!).  Then I moved to Los Angeles and started taking boxing classes at what was then the Sports Club/LA of Beverly Hills (yes, it was as fancy as it sounds).  There it was more male dominated with the instructors being 100% male and the classes when I was taking them consisting primarily of men.  With one or two exceptions of grumpy old men who didn’t want to spar with me, I again experienced no gender bias.  Instead, I almost got favoritism.  People were really nice to me; but then again, it was just a great group of guys. They were nice to each other, too. There were the women and men who came in and didn’t work hard or were obnoxious and those people, regardless of gender, were often shunned and usually didn’t return after a few go-rounds. Overall, though, things felt pretty good.  If you were a nice person and worked as hard as you, personally, could, everyone accepted you.  Fast forward ten years and I’m in New York City and taking a small boxing class that was taught by a male former Equinox instructor.  The class ranges in terms of gender distribution but I’d say it trends towards 50/50 overall.  The first few classes were very egalitarian; what I had come to expect.  However, over the next few classes, it became clear the instructor really enjoyed having the largest, most massive males hit with him over anyone else, even when those men had terrible form and couldn’t box.  The instructor repeatedly favored power over form. In one class, he sparred with all of the men repeatedly, completely ignoring all of the females except me.  I finally called him out on it, yelling, “Hey! You’re forgetting the women over there!” He ambled over and let the women hit with him a little, telling one, “Your punch is weak.”  I saw her face blanche a little although she kept gamely trying by herself after he walked away.  “Your punch is weak.”  Drop the mic. Walk away.  He didn’t tell her how to use her body to make the punch stronger, how to hold her arm, how to make a fist.  He just said she was weak and moved back to the boys.   It’s a class.  He’s the teacher.  She’s there to learn, precisely because she’s not already an expert boxer.  If she was, she wouldn’t be taking his class.  His job is to teach her, not embarrass her and walk off.  He never said anything similar to the men; he took them under his wing, tutored the weak ones, and did his job – taught them.
 
In another class, he said he was going to teach how to make a proper fist because “most ladies can’t do this.”  The two men in the class that day both had trouble with the “proper fist.”  After the class, one man straight up said to me that the comment was a gender biased micro aggression.  He was proud of himself for recognizing.  I was not so impressed.  I asked him why he didn’t say anything if he recognized it for what it was and he quickly backed off, saying it wasn’t a big deal.  
 
In yet another class, the instructor had all the men sparring and all the women doing sit ups. I thought we were going to switch soon but then I looked at the clock and realized the class was 5 minutes to done and all the females had been allowed to do was warm up and work on our abs. I spoke up again, jumping to my feet and yelling, “Hey!  The women have been doing abs the whole class!  When are we going to get to fight?”  He was like, “Oh sorry, you can switch now.”  We then got to fight for a whopping 5 minutes.
 
In yet another class, he started splitting us into groups for punching drills – one group holding mitts defensively and one group in gloves to hit.  He kept choosing men to hit and women to hold mitts.  After he was almost done and not one woman had mitts, I threw my mitts on the floor and said, “You cannot possibly expect every woman to forego punching?”  He was like, “Oops” and re distributed, more evenly.  
 
I could continue with the examples but you get the point.  Beyond just being repeatedly sidelined, the two main frustrating things were:
 

1. even though I called the teacher out on the gender disparities; nobody else did.  Some of the women thanked me, however, they did so privately, outside of the class. Likewise, one of the men said he recognized the gender bias but did nothing about it other than to tell me privately that he saw it, too.

 

1. even though I called the teacher out and tried to be funny and avoid anger, which I knew would be construed as obnoxiousness, he still kept engaging in the behavior.  He did not learn.  Would the behavior have changed if the men had spoken up?  Just one guy?  I think it would have.

 
PLEASE people.  SPEAK UP.  Sometimes it feels like all the “nice” people are so conflict-avoidant they become complicit with all the “bad” acts.  They see the bad acts.  They recognize them as bad.  Yet, they choose to do nothing to avoid having to be the one person saying, “Hey, could you pretty please try treating everyone equally?”  Is that really such a crazy thing to want?  As someone who experienced equality, it’s pretty awesome. Is this new crop of gender bias and micro aggressions just this guy?  This class?  A reflection of what our society has become under our new “leadership”?  Whatever it is, wherever it comes from, it sucks.

​It was Saturday night and my significant other and I had reservations for a Mexican restaurant we love, however, as the time neared, neither of us felt hungry so we rescheduled and decided to go see Deadpool 2, in need of a little comedy.  We thought we’d be old school and just walk to the theatre and buy tickets there, however, when we arrived at the theatre, the show was completely sold out.  The theatre was near a large grocery store so I said, “Well, let’s take the lemons and make lemonade and just get our weekly grocery shopping out of the way.”   
 
As we entered, we saw a group of paramedics escorting an elderly Asian American woman through the store towards the entrance.  At first, I thought nothing more than, “Oh, I hope she’s ok” and was going to go about my merry shopping way when I realized something was off about the situation. The little old lady kept waving her hands and shaking her head “no” to two of the paramedics, who had their hands on her but weren’t supporting her, as I had first assumed, but instead were forcefully moving her to the store exit against her will.  The little elderly lady was digging her heels in, clearly upset, but also clearly unable to speak or understand English. I stopped and backtracked to where the group was, listening.  The paramedics were telling the woman she “had to go to the hospital” and that she “had to” get into an ambulance outside.  The woman was trying to free herself, with a look of panic.  I saw my grandma in that lady and a hundred other grandmas who might not want traditional western care, who might not be able to afford ridiculously inflated emergency room bills, who feel bullied by a bunch of people in uniforms authoritatively telling them what they “have” to do.  
 
I marched over and said loudly, “She has the right to reject medical care if she wants to.  She’s an adult woman and appears competent and autonomous and able to walk fine by herself.”  The two paramedics who were physically pulling the woman quickly jerked their hands off her and turned on me, telling me I didn’t know what I was talking about and to back away, and that the woman had fallen and should go to the hospital.  I said, “I understand and I appreciate it if you want to make sure she’s ok physically, but she clearly doesn’t understand you and doesn’t want to go with you so you need to get a translator on the phone to explain the situation to her so she can make her own decision.  It’s not your right to make the decision for her when she’s capable of making it herself.” 
 
At that point, a police officer got right in my face and told me to leave immediately.  I simply looked at him and said, “No, I have a right to be here and I am not doing anything wrong.”  He turned his back on me to box me out and left his Taser completely open for me if I had wanted to grab it (which I didn’t).  I was sorely tempted to comment on the ill-advised nature of his move but I bit my tongue.  It broke my heart a little that this particular police officer (and others I have met in NYC have been great so I hope this officer was just an exception to the rule and not the norm) was normalizing the bullying instead of doing his job to ensure the elderly lady's rights were being respected.
 
 A different paramedic – I’ll just call her the 3rd paramedic – told me they were just trying to get the woman help. I told the 3rd paramedic that I understood, but that the little old woman didn’t and that was what needed to be remedied. In the meantime, the first two paramedics kept yelling at the little old woman, “DO YOU UNDERSTAND?  YOU NEED TO COME TO THE HOSPITAL!!” louder and louder and louder, as though by increasing their volume, they’d somehow create language comprehension in a non-English speaker.  I spoke up again, saying, “She clearly doesn’t understand you and saying the same thing louder isn’t going to help.  You need a translator.”  The first two paramedics clearly wanted to kill me, but the 3rd one, who had been talking with me, agreed with me and they got a translator on the phone to talk to the woman.  
 
I explained to the sympathetic 3rd paramedic that I didn’t want to cause a problem for them and I understood they were doing an important job, but I also wanted them to be cognizant of the fact this is a scared, little old lady who doesn’t speak English.  “Look, “ I pointed out.  “She’s shaking with fear and there are FIVE uniformed people crowding all around her and shouting at her in a language she doesn’t know.”  The 3rd paramedic looked and acknowledged that the situation could be improved.  She pulled the others off and said, “Give her some breathing room.”  After a call with the translator, it was made clear the lady was declining further medical assistance so the first two paramedics finally backed off and everyone went on their way.
 
I got back to my grocery shopping and the store security manager came up to me and thanked me for helping the lady.  I was like, “Yeah, I just thought she was kind of being bullied and I get that everyone probably wanted to help and do the right thing, but they needed to do it in the right way – where the lady was informed and able to properly consent or not, as she chose.  I’m not a doctor or a paramedic – I don’t know, medically, what’s best for anyone. All I know is that, in the same situation, I would want to be treated with respect and I would want the situation explained to me in a way I understood and then I would want to be allowed to make my own decision about my own care, so that’s what I tried to ensure for the little old lady.”
 
Afterwards, my significant other was like, “I guess the universe decided you just had to go off defending old ladies in grocery stores instead of enjoying a new restaurant or seeing Deadpool.  Can we at least try to get through the grocery shopping without any more adventures?” Hey, Honey, at least it’s never boring, right?!

I went to Costa Rica in May and took a class on medicinal plants.  It was incredible and I learned a ton.  It’s way too much information for a blog post, however, I just want to share a few cool things I learned that might be helpful to you!

1.  Carao for Energy and Anemia

My first experience with carao was while I was hiking through the jungle.  I had a guide with me and I noticed a plethora of little monkeys eating what looked like dark brown pea pods.  I asked about them and the guide explained the monkeys were eating carao, found in pods on the trees.  The “pods” ate quite hard and the monkeys have to bang them and break them to access the edible portion within.  The guide mentioned off-hand that Costa Rican hospitals give carao to patients who are sick from chemotherapy to help them recover.  Later, in my medicinal plants class, I studied carao in more depth.  It can also be used to increase energy and, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear, seems to help strengthen the blood and fight anemia as well.  You can buy the fruit syrup from the Standish Company LLC if you’re not lucky enough to be in Costa Rica, where a monkey may just throw one of the pods at you (that actually happened to me) for free.  The syrup from the fruit is REALLY strong.  I find the smell kind of noxious – like a sweaty locker room.  If you hold your nose, though, the taste isn’t half bad.  If you like molasses, you’ll probably like carao.  If you don’t like the strength, you can always mix it into warm water or milk for a tea or latte.  I find it’s a good energy booster and helps me recover faster after an intense athletic workout.  Tp buy it, just use the link at the end of this blog post or ask for it at your local health food store.

2.  Coconut to Regulate Thyroid Function

The teacher, who is a herbalist and healer, told me that about 1 T of coconut oil (virgin, raw, unrefined, and organic) helps to regulate thyroid function.  I checked other sources later and many confirmed that as a way to use coconut oil.  Who knew?! I have several friends with thyroid disorders so I told them about this and they’re trying it out to see if it works. If you try it, please let me know if it works for you and, as always, remember this is NOT medical advice and I am not a doctor.  Sorry. Had to say that just in case!

3.  Pau d’Arco for Skin

​Pau d'arco is a tree whose bark and wood are often used to make medicine for everything from cancer to diabetes to stomach ulcers.  In my class, the teacher focused on its benefits to the skin, such as its help in reducing eczema and increasing skin health generally.  She made a little tincture out of organic Pau d'arco.  You can also take it in tea form, but be careful not to take too much.  Everything in moderation (and, again, I’m not a doctor and this isn’t medical advice).  To buy it, just use the link at the end of this blog or ask for it at your local health food store.
 
There were so many other plants to learn about and, if this is an area that interests you, I highly recommend the book “Medicinal Plants of Costa Rica” by Ed Bernhardt for more information.  https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/medicinal-plants-of-costa-rica-ed-bernhardt/1008720108

How do I love Costa Rica?  Let me count the ways!  
 
1.  They care and protect their environment – flora and fauna!   Costa Rica has devoted an estimated 26% of its land to national parks, wildlife reserves and protected lands making it a top eco-tourism destination.  https://www.govisitcostarica.com/travelInfo/ecotourism.asp
 
2.  You can see amazing wildlife from monkeys to boas to anteaters living their normal, happy lives in normal, happy ways – e.g., NOT in a zoo or a cage.  #EmptyTheCages  Costa Rica’s Manuel Antonio National Park and Monteverde Cloud Forest Reserve are viewed as “models for ecotourism and sustainable development. These parks offer critical habitat to various plant and animal species. The major reason of ecotourism’s success in Costa Rica goes to the active participation of the private sector, exceptional biodiversity and the interaction between the comprehensive protected areas network. The international and national NGOs, local businesses, natives and government organizations also play a major part in the success of the ecotourism programs.”  Id.  
 
3.  The amount and diversity of the wildlife is just, well, stunning.  “Costa Rica has been ranked among the world’s best ecotourism destinations on more than one occasion, and became the first country in the Americas to ban hunting in 2012. As a result, its biodiversity is virtually unparalleled.”  https://greenglobaltravel.com/ecotourism-in-costa-rica/
 
4.  There is so much to see and do, you just can’t get bored.  “Costa Rica encompasses a diverse array of ecosystems, from cloud forests and rainforests to wetlands and coastal marine areas.”  Id.
 
When to Go
 
I went to Costa Rica at the start of the so-called rainy season in late May and stayed at the incredible Waterfall Villas.  Basically, I was in a fancy treehouse in the middle of a jungle in a tiny retreat specializing in local, organic, vegan cuisine.  Color me happy!  https://waterfallvillas.com
 
For those of you who like privacy, I highly recommend May because the tourist traffic is low and, although it rained, I loved it.  We planned all our adventures (white water rafting, waterfall hiking, national park treks, etc.) for the morning.  The sun was always shining and the wildlife is prolific then.  The rains start in the late afternoon.  It’s still warm so we swam in the waterfalls in the rain, but, honestly, we were so active in the mornings with long hikes and ziplining and rafting, that we were pretty exhausted by the time the rain started. At night, in the treehouse – again, in the middle of a jungle! – the thunderstorms were just awesome.  Like, the best ever, and we could see the frogs come out and the air fill with electricity.  It was exciting!
 
Where to Stay
 
Waterfall Villas was lovely for anyone who wants a private retreat focusing on sustainability, beauty, harmony, and amazing food.  There is yoga outside overlooking the waterfalls, a couple of hiking trails among the falls and in the jungle, and about 6 villas which are like little treehouses.  The dining area is a gorgeous open-air terrace overlooking the falls and the food is all local, organic and they specialize in vegan cuisine.  I have never felt healthier or more energized. You certainly won’t leave hungry. The only downside is sound carries between the villa treehouses, so, if you like it very quiet, travel off-season when there will be fewer people or control the crowd by booking all 6 villas at once for your family and/or friends.  
 
They’ll customize a retreat for you with whatever you want from yoga to detox.  Just to give you an idea of what you can do, my significant other and I customized ours to include a mix of adventure, downtime and education: 
 
Adventure
We went white water rafting, ziplining and hiking (and swimming) through the Nauyaca Waterfalls, hiking through multiple national parks, including the not-to-be-missed MANUEL ANTONIO NATIONAL PARK, which is ranked by Forbes as one of the world’s most beautiful national parks – for good reason!  And explored the incredible Hacienda Baru wildlife refuge (where anteaters, sloths, monkeys, and more traipsed by on their merry way while we stared in amazement).  We also did our ziplining in the Hacienda Baru wildlife refuge, which was so much fun. Seeing the jungle from above, while whizzing through the air is indescribable and you don’t have to worry about harming the environment or stressing the trees or animals because the staff takes every precaution to ensure the environment and animals are protected above all.
 
Downtime
We had incredible massages outside on the banks of the waterfalls, in the middle of a vast jungle. An experience not to be missed. We also did a lot of relaxing in the waterfalls and on the beach.  I will say be careful.  With the fabulousness of being “in the wild,” comes the need to exercise proper diligence. There are venomous snakes and biting insects, so you do have to just be careful.  A bit of bug spray (I used an all-natural insect repellant with rosemary, lavender, citronella, and some other essential oils, which worked well for me) is an absolute must.  Also, on the snakes:  On my last day in Costa Rica, I hiked into the jungle and rested in the middle of some waterfalls where the water was light and there were dry rocks available in the center between the two banks. I took off my water shoes (Reefs, which, by the way, I bought 20 years ago(!!) in Australia for about $10 and have held up amazingly) and meditated in the sun. I know it sounds silly but I asked a question of the universe and immediately I felt like someone was there and opened my eyes and not three feet away was a Terciopelo (“velvet” in Spanish), about 5’ long. Terciopelos are venomous and, I think, part of the pit viper family. The snake was partially coiled, however, her upper body was straight up in the air (kind of like how one often sees cobras depicted) and she was looking right at me. At first I thought, I am so lucky to see her so close! Then I thought, wait! What is proper Terciopelo etiquette? Do I look back at her or will that be perceived as aggressive? Do I freeze? Move? I didn’t know what to do so I just looked at her. She tilted her head slightly towards me and I decided it might be prudent to leave. I very very slowly put my shoes back on while she watched and slowly, slowly waded to the opposite bank. On the bank, I paused and looked at her. She lowered her upper body and moved to the other bank, wrapped herself around a low hanging vine, watched me another moment and vanished. I can’t help but wonder if she was answering my question. 
 
Educational
I took advantage of the fact I was in an awesomely unique place that actually prioritizes the protection of its natural resources and took a class on the medicinal plants of Costa Rica.  I’m blogging about some of the interesting things I learned in another blog post. Suffice it to say, my Manhattan kitchen is now full of Costa Rican plants and concoctions!
 
To sum it all up: Costa Rica is awesome, awesome, awesome. I can’t believe I waited so long to go there.  It’s fantastic!!!!!!

I had the honor of giving some brief welcoming remarks at a filmmaking competition launch party in New York City and decided to focus on positivity, self empowerment and the choice to move up the ladder together, as opposed to viewing the entertainment industry as a one-winner-takes-all, zero-sum game.  Here are my remarks:

Hello everyone and welcome to the 2018 72 Hour Shootout filmmaking competition!  If you can believe it, the Film Lab has now been running educational, networking and film and TV production projects for TWENTY YEARS and it’s pretty incredible to see how our members and filmmakers grow in quality and work ethic every year.  The Shootout is designed to give everyone from newbies to professional filmmakers the opportunity to make a short film over 72 hours that could give them access to film festivals and TV networks they may not otherwise have access to. The Shootout provides a platform for faces, voices and stories that are often marginalized or silenced by mainstream media and we take it even further by hooking up our top filmmakers and actors with mentorships or screen tests at networks like ABC and NBC – opportunities rarely obtained for just 3 days of work on a 5 minute film.  

I was actually in a room with one of our judges, Marci Phillips, the Executive Director of Casting for ABC, last weekend and she gave me a copy of her book ‘The Present Actor.’ In it, she talks, in part, about the negativity and competitiveness the entertainment industry can produce – for example, when we wish ill on others, resent their successes and treat the industry like a one-winner-takes-all game.  As Marci noted in her book, this is a terrible and self-destructive way to view the profession.  

At the Film Lab, we believe in collaboration and helping one another move up the ladder together, in supporting one another and respecting each other.  Look around the room.  You could view these people as competition or you could realize that everyone here is a potential colleague, a potential teammate, a potential collaborator. We believe the world is what you make it – quite literally in the sense of the Shootout.  When you create your films, all the power is in your hands to create the stories you’ve always wanted to write and the characters you’ve always wanted to play.  You don’t have to wait for someone else to do it for you.  The Shootout empowers you to do it for yourself and then ensures your work is seen by judges as amazing as ABC’s Marci.

Obviously, if you make the top ten in this competition, you win big.  You can get screened at AAIFF, televised across the country, and have the opportunity to be mentored by NBC executives, among other things.  However, even if you don’t make the top ten, you still win. You win free access to networking and educational programming at the Film Lab.  The Film Lab is like a gym membership – it only works if you use it. So, use it!  Come to the events.  Meet people. Create amazing works of art.  Have fun.  You’ll get out of it what you put into it.  Now, it’s my pleasure to introduce the 2018 Shootout Coordinator and our own AAFL TV editor, Jatin Chhugani.

If you'd like to listen to all the opening remarks, click here
​
For the opening remarks PLUS the opening act off the night - a live musical performance by the amazing Kash - click here

I recently took advantage of a Department of Environmental Protection (DEP) program that allowed me to test the tap water for lead at no cost.  I tested the water in two different buildings in New York City so I would have a point of comparison.  One came back 0 ppb (parts per billion) of lead, which is awesome and exactly what it should be - yay New York City water!  However, the other, shockingly, came back at 39 ppb.  That is terrifying.  For point of reference, the lead "action level" for the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) is "only" 15 ppb (https://www.cdc.gov/nceh/lead/tips/water.htm).  This second building with the bad results had suffered from a lot of construction work and it's possible the high test results were from some sort of corrosion issue.  I notified the building's management and Board of Directors immediately.  To my relief, they hired a third party to come in to test the water throughout the building.  However, to my surprise, they declined to put residents - many of whom have babies or little children, for whom NO level of lead is safe - on notice or provide them with any advice, guidance or safety tips.  So, I called the DEP, the EPA and basically every other "expert" I could think of for advice and insights to share here because water quality is a general concern for everyone.  Lead is obviously really scary, although, luckily, less common, but there's also pesticide run-off to worry about in some areas, and, of course, the most common of all, micro plastic contamination in our water (see a great article on this in Furthermore).  So, what's a gal (or guy) to do?

1.  Test Your Water
Empower yourself with knowledge and test your tap water.  In New York City, the Lead Department will provide you with a free lead test for your tap water.  Just call (718) 595-5364 or 311 to request a test kit.  Testing takes about two weeks.  In Los Angeles, CalWater will give you information about lead testing for City water (click here for more).  Other cities across the country have similar programs.  If you're unsure and a search on your City government's web page gives you nothing, call your local elected official or local DEP office to ask.  If all else fails, you can buy water testing kits at Home Depot and some pharmacies, though I think they might be a bit less accurate.  I'm not an expert, though, so try them and see.  You can always research their legitimacy via trusted sources, like Consumer Reports, online.

2.  Say NO to Plastics and NO to Bottled Water
What?!  Won't bottled water be better for us than tap?  The perhaps surprising answer is probably not - unless you're in Flint, Michigan, and your tap water was basically poison, or Chicago, Illinois (see more on Chicago's lead issue here).   New York City and Los Angeles (my two cities) have pretty consistently great water quality.  

​The problem people don't often know about is that bottled water contains a ridiculous amount of microplastic contamination.  According to Sherri Mason, Ph.D., professor of chemistry and chair of the department of geology and environmental sciences at the State University of New York at Fredonia:

[This] "non-biodegradable material lingers in the environment, where it soaks up contaminants known to increase risks of autism, ADHD, and breast and prostate cancers before potentially finding its way back into water sources...[].... (That means tap water can also be contaminated, but the report found twice as many particles in bottled products.) Microplastics could also be introduced during manufacturing or from the bottles and caps themselves. It’s a new field of research, but the WHO review aims to find out more." Emphasis added.  From Furthermore.  Read the whole article here.  

What does Dr. Mason advise?  DRINK TAP WATER and avoid plastic bottles whenever you can.  Use re-useable glass bottles like the ones I blogged about here and re-fill them.   

3.  Add Spirulina and Chlorella to Your Diet
Chlorella and Spirulina are amazing green foods to add to your diet for overall health and well-being and Chlorella has the added benefit of helping the body to detox from heavy metals (like lead).  Cilantro is another good one to help with detox - just make sure it's organic since conventionally grown cilantro tested positive for a lot of pesticides in independent tests.  According to Better Nutrition:

"Spirulina is a natural multivitamin, and a vegan source of protein and omega-3 fatty acids. It’s also rich in phycocyanin, a powerful polyphenolic compound. Chlorella is best for heavy metal detox and tumor suppression. It also promotes healthy bone growth and cellular replication. Both are similar in that they are chlorophyll-rich algae. Both are rich in essential amino acids, low in fat, and high in fiber and minerals. Chlorophyll is a natural anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, and wound healer that has been found to aid in normalizing the blood counts of anemic individuals. Both algae contain some vitamin B. Along with the usual vitamin and mineral suspects found in deep green plant foods—B vitamins, carotenoids, magnesium, and vitamin C—chlorella also contains some potent flavonoid nutrients, including lutein, which is important for eye health. Chlorella also contains a rare xanthophyll, a type of carotenoid that, like beta-carotene, has vitamin A activity."  https://www.betternutrition.com/features-dept/green-foods-health-benefits

I make vegan cheeses with Spirulina (see more on that here and here) and also add both Spirulina and Chlorella to smoothies, soups and veggie stews.  Here are some quick, easy recipe links to help you add these detoxing superfoods to your diet (I also posted a bunch more on the Ethical Is Beautiful Facebook page (www.facebook.com/EthicalIsBeautifulBeBeautiful):

Chlorella & Cacao Balls (recipe here) are a perfect dessert and densely nutritious snack-on-the go.  I modified the original recipe by adding 3 T of spirulina in addition to the chlorella and rolling them in shredded coconut instead of chia seeds

​Chilled Green Gazpacho Soup (recipe here) is a fabulous appetizer and perfect for summer garden parties or lunch on a hot day

Matcha Ice Cream is a treat (recipe here) and you can add a tablespoon or two of chlorella to help with heavy metal detox

Easy Green Trail Mix Bars (recipe here) are a meal-in-a-pinch and great as pre or post workout fuel, not to mention all the detox benefits.  Plus, they're super quick and easy to make

4.  Use Baking Soda to Get Rid of Pesticides on Fruits and Veggies
Ditch the hyped-up vegetable and fruit washes they sell in stores - so many of them are full of plastic and unnecessary chemicals and they're ridiculously over-priced.  You can make a safer, less expensive and more effective rinse at home.  Just put warm water, a handful of salt and a heaping tablespoon of baking soda in a spray bottle or a bowl and rinse your fruits and veggies in it (if they're conventionally grown, leave them in the baking soda water for at least 2 minutes to remove the maximum amount of pesticides), then do a quick cool water rinse to remove the salt and baking soda.  Read more about how baking soda is amazing at removing pesticides in Consumer Reports here and Business Insider here.

5.  Basic Tips from the DEP for Keeping Lead Away
And, now, from the experts themselves, some easy tips for what you can do to make your water safer:

1.  Once a month, remove the aerators from your faucets (aka the little faucet "screen" the water comes through) and clean it.  Metal debris can get caught in there.

2.  Use cold water for cooking and baby formula; it is less likely to contain lead than hot water.

3.  If you have a positive lead test, consider a filter but be VERY careful because so many are a lot of hype and independent testing actually shows they don't take out the amounts of lead they promise. In other words, do your research and, remember, avoid plastics.  You don't want to trade one health issue for another.  NSF International is a good resource to start with.  It is a nonprofit organization that certifies water filters.  You can also call the Consumer Affairs Office toll-free hotline: 1-800-673-8010.

6.  Be an Eco-Friendly, Responsible Person
So many of our environmental problems are our own fault.  Most of us don't think about the environment on a daily basis or consider how our actions affect it.  We dump chemicals into the street drains, sending them directly into our oceans; we fail to recycle; we use plastic bottles and bags; etc., etc.  We fall into the trap of thinking the environment is such a big problem that our "little" actions can't possibly make any difference and we couldn't be more wrong!  Just as one single person going vegetarian saves 100 living beings from slaughter each year, one single person behaving as an eco-friendly consumer (recycling, reducing plastic use, composting, etc.) has profound positive effects on our environment.  

But it's overwhelming, right?  Let me help you simplify:

1.  RECYCLE
Here is a great guide for how to recycle virtually anything.  Ask your office or, if you live in a condo or apartment building, your building management to install Terracycle bins throughout the office and/or residential building to help recycle everything (and even earn Terracycle "bucks" for doing so!).  More on that here.

2.  DITCH THE PLASTIC
We already talked about why plastic water bottles are so horrible for your health, but plastic bags aren't doing us any favors either.  Ask for paper bags or, better yet, bring and use a re-useable cloth bag when you shop.  Be vocal and insistent with meal and grocery delivery services you may use in demanding that they reduce their plastic use and use eco-friendly, sustainable, recyclable packaging materials.  When consumers are loud and insistent, they very often get what they want.

3.  BUY FRESH LOCAL FRUITS, VEGGIES AND GRAINS WHENEVER POSSIBLE
If you're rural, this is easier, however, even if you're urban, farmer's markets are popping up all over the place.  This is another time to call your local elected officials and ask for more farmer's markets and access to locally grown, organic fruits, veggies and grains.  If you have the ability, your own garden is a great idea, even if it's just a herb garden in your windowsill and a climbing tomato plant on your balcony (that's what I have!).  It's actually kind of fun to cultivate your own food (and I do NOT have a green thumb).

4.  GO CRUELTY-FREE
The meat and dairy industry causes more greenhouse gas emissions than the exhaust from every car in our country, all sorts of nasty run-off into our groundwater and some seriously disgusting soil contamination.  See more here.  The more you can remove meat and dairy from your diet, the more you'll be doing yourself and the planet a huge favor.  How to do that?  Funny you should ask!  I have a whole blog post on it here and many recipes and resources - just see the index, on the right of this page.  

Awesome.  Now, go drink clean water, be happy and save the world, ok?

​For the most part, I keep this blog to do it yourself tips and tricks to eat and live in a healthy, beautiful and ethical manner, philosophical musings and fun food and travel finds.  I don't do "reviews."  Until now, because I just have to get this off my chest and because it started as an eco-friendly project that went terribly, horribly, awfully awry.

Last summer, my family decided to renovate two bathrooms and hired a company with a great BBB rating to design and oversee the renovation.  I was excited because I wanted to use the opportunity to negotiate eco-friendly terms into the contract - that they would recycle everything they could and seek eco-friendly and sustainable products.  I thought it would be a small way to stay "green" even as we remodeled.  The company agreed to do both things and ... didn't really.  That was really just the tip of the iceberg, though.  Let me start at the beginning...

Knockout Renovation in NYC advertises itself as "an ultra concierge style interior design and remodeling service" that will "handle all things interior for your complete apartment remodel."  Unfortunately, we did not find this to be the case.  Overall, Knockout provided a superficially decent remodel, but failed to provide consistent, timely work or the attention to detail necessary to call themselves "an ultra concierge" style provider.  I will explain, in detail, what worked, what didn't and why for our remodel, however, for those that don't have time to read it, I'll simply say if you have a small to medium sized basic job that is not time sensitive and you don't sweat the small stuff or little details, you may be fine.  If, however, you want excellence, you probably need to look elsewhere.  I would strongly urge prospective customers to contact at least three RECENT clients of Knockout to interview who did projects similar to the ones they are contemplating before hiring Knockout.  It's been over a year since our renovation and we continue to encounter problem after problem after problem with the remodel from our faucets refusing to produce actual water to the lights stopping working to pipes cracking and on and on.

We came to Knockout in the spring of 2017 needing to renovate two bathrooms.  We explained we had three critical needs: (1) Exceptional care taken to try to contain the construction debris and reduce dust for a severely allergic occupant (hence, why we went to a supposedly high end "concierge service" provider); (2) that all reasonable efforts be made to use eco-friendly materials and recycle demolition materials; and (3) time being of the essence.  We explained that, at the absolute latest, the project must be done, in its entirety, by the middle of the summer (July).  Knockout assured us, in no uncertain terms, that this was no problem for them and would be done.  Based on those assurances, we signed a contract with Knockout, into which we ensured those three needs were specified.  Knockout failed to keep their promises.  As of me writing this blog post, Knockout is still making repairs and fixes.

I have done many other renovations and understand that issues arise from time to time.  Because of that, I pre-identified and took care of everything I could anticipate – from ensuring the building gave its approval of the project in less than a week to connecting Knockout with “Big Reuse” and “Terracycle,” two recycling providers that work with big items, demos, etc.  Because of this, we were able to begin the project a week early and thus were told it should also be completed a week early.

At astronomical expense, at Knockout’s urging, I rented alternate housing for two months, but explained to Knockout's staff that, financially, I had to be back in my home by July 4th.  Knockout assured me that I would have at least one fully completed and useable bathroom by July 4th.  That did not happen.  Knockout delayed, for no legitimate reason, until July 10th, at which point, I moved back in.  I found myself in a demolition zone, not a construction site.  

The Knockout coordinator had not ensured draping of the kitchen, furniture, books, etc., despite the medical issues discussed extensively in the spring.  My floors were covered with dust and debris, the air was filled with dust,  my books and personal items were poorly draped or not draped at all and completely covered in construction dust (try getting dust, dirt and construction debris out of a novel, page by page.  It's not fun), the kitchen had not been draped and the sink, countertops and stove were full of construction dust.  Furniture, including a sofa and framed artwork, among other things, were simply left uncovered and filled with construction debris and, in some cases, unsalvageable.  For the sofa in particular, it is very hard to remove two and a half months of accumulated construction debris from fabric.  This is not necessarily the fault of the individual workers who came to do the work; this is the fault of the project coordinator, whose job it is to oversee, supervise and direct.  The project coordinator was well briefed on the medical issues and therefore should have assured draping and periodic vacuuming, for example.  Needless to say, the project was not completed on time – it went months over.  There were many takeaways from this experience.  They boil down to three main issues:  (1) A Failure of Pre-Planning and Coordination; (2) A Failure of Oversight; and (3) Communication Break Down.  These are discussed in a little bit more detail below:

I. Failure of Pre-Planning & Coordination
Multiple needless issues and stresses arose as a result of lack of pre-planning and coordination.  For example: 

A. Properly Investigating Materials
The project coordinator’s job includes proper investigation of materials used so s/he knows what is being used and can guide the client and vendors in order to execute the renovation agreed upon.  In this case, the coordinator promised to ensure environmentally friendly items and efficient items and ensure and oversee product purchase to make sure it fit the design, building and all other specs.  

Our inquiries regarding environmental and eco-friendliness have remained primarily unaddressed and this agreement does not appear to have been met, but just agreed to get us to sign a contract and engage the company for the remodel.

Knockout's failure to properly research products caused needless delays.  For example, their overseer, Mr. Daskalakis, assisted us in selecting the master bathroom bathtub.  Mr. Daskalakis’s job was to let us know if the tub would fit, was appropriate for the space, fit the specs, etc.  We are not construction or design experts, which is why we hired Knockout.  Mr. Daskalakis said it was great and we ordered the tub.  When it arrived, Knockout construction staff informed us the tub was actually meant for houses with basements and not for apartments and would be very difficult to install and require the construction of a rise on the floor.  We worked with the team to come up with a construction solution.  This was something we should not have had to do.  The project coordinator should have flagged this issue before the tub was ever purchased and, later on, rather than going to the clients in a panic, the better solution is to come up with a constructive solution and present it in a professional, level-headed manner.  

Overall, of course, these oversight, coordination and accountability issues rest with the top – with Mr. Steier, Knockout's owner.  When we began raising concerns to Mr. Steier, he did not take action, as far as we could tell, to mitigate the problems until many months later in the process, after the date the project was scheduled to finish.  

These are not the only examples of this issue, however, for anyone seriously contemplating a reno, here are some specific examples.

B. Efficiently and Adequately Coordinating Vendors 
1. Vendors Inadequately Staffed
When we returned after two and a half months of construction, we were surprised that work crews arrived around 10am and left at approximately 3:00 or 3:30pm each day, even when no equipment was being carried in or out and no clean up efforts were being made at the end of the work days.  We inquired about this several times and Knockout did not directly answer the question.  In many instances, only one or two men would be working even though two bathrooms needed to be renovated and we had contractually, explicitly all agreed and acknowledged that time was of the essence.  We had requested on multiple occasions that at least one dedicated crew member work on the smaller bathroom while the larger team worked on the large master bathroom. We renovated both bathrooms at the same time to make the process faster and therefore should have had two crews working simultaneously in each bathroom.  On many occasions, this did not happen; wasting precious days and hours that could have been effectively utilized to complete the project.  We saw inadequate numbers of workers for few hours and a failure to have workers in both bathrooms.  

A neighbor who checked in the project inquired of the workers why they were present so few hours on any given day and they explained to her that Knockout assigns them 3-4 job sites in a given geographic area and they go from site to site every day and do not concentrate on any one given site.  This is certainly not what Knockout told us and not a professional or acceptable manner of working when you have contractually agreed time is of the essence.

To check on whether only a few hours of work per day occurred throughout the project, we obtained the building time log, which meticulously lists the days and times each and every single person enters and exits the building.  The log showed that, over the course of the construction, roughly 2-3 men on average days starting around 10 am and ending around 3 or 3:30 pm for two months.  (For context, our property permits construction work to 5pm.)  This is not adequate staffing for a project of this magnitude, especially, again, when Knockout had explicitly contracted for a “time is of the essence” project.  Most of the workers we met took pride in their jobs and paid attention to details, which is a very good thing.  That takes time, though, and people should have been working 8 hour days with sufficient people to work on both bathrooms simultaneously.  If an 8-hour work day was too onerous for some individuals, the coordinator should have scheduled different people in shifts so that sufficient numbers of people were working for the full work day on the project.  Unfortunately, this did not happen and it led to a rushed project, botched jobs, delay, frustration, and worse.

Almost two months after the project was supposed to have been completely done, Knockout still had not managed to complete all the repairs from their work or enable water to come out of the main showerhead.  Workers were consistently late in coming to do work.  This was part of a consistent pattern of late arrivals and early departures throughout the course of this renovation. 

2. Coordinating Vendors Inefficiently
Vendors were not efficiently coordinated.  I spoke to everyone on the crews and was consistently told that vendors were scheduled on top of one another, making it impossible for them to effectively do their jobs.  This is not the fault of the individual vendors; it’s the fault of the coordinator.  The coordinator’s job is to plan the job, get into the space and figure out how and when to schedule tasks.  For example, one crew was told the plumbers only needed one day to work on the second bathroom.  In fact, the plumbers needed three days and the other crew was effectively stonewalled from being able to do anything.  They were forced to “hurry up and wait,” which stressed both them and the plumbers and caused everyone on both crews to feel hurried, rushed and as though they didn’t have the time they wanted and needed to do a good, thorough job.  Worse still, nobody was on site from Knockout to oversee or supervise most of the time and, since there was no “boss,” there was no effective chain of command and everyone fell into bickering, which is not an effective environment for getting good work done.  When Mr. Daskalakis did show up, he was not the kind of personality that is needed to address the issues.  He threw up his hands and exclaimed this was too stressful for him when he needed to implement a clear chain of command and a proper and well thought-out schedule for tasks and crews.

Repeatedly, we heard the vendors complaining vociferously to Knockout that they were not given adequate notice of tasks that needed to be completed.  I overheard one vendor expressing incredible frustration and saying, “You never tell me anything until the last minute and then you expect me to work miracles.  It’s not fair.”  

Another illustrative example occurred on the day before the drop dead deadline.  On that day, one member of the two-man crew was waiting for grout that Knockout had supposedly ordered for delivery in the morning.  When the grout had still not arrived at 2pm, we asked if there were other tasks that could be done to make efficient use of time (there were) and why grout could not be obtained from the hardware store.  We were told the grout was in a warehouse in Queens and the only Knockout staff member who could obtain it was unreachable by phone.   Finally, the package arrived around 3pm.  It had been delayed because Knockout addressed it to the entire floor, as opposed to our particular unit.  The fact the Knockout staff member was unavailable or couldn’t have simply picked up the grout (Queens is still New York City, last we heard) and that the full crew wasn’t instructed to complete the myriad of other tasks besides grouting that required finishing was inefficient, inappropriate use of time.  That day, the crew left by 3:50pm.  On the day before a drop dead deadline, at least one crew member did no work other than wait for grout that never arrived.  That demonstrates Knockout’s failure of oversight, coordination, accountability, and lack of commitment to its contractual obligations and client(s).

Nearly a month after their promised drop dead stop date, Knockout finally scheduled a countertop installation.  On the morning of the installation, Knockout emailed that they would not be installing the counter because of issues cutting the stone.  We asked why the stone was deemed “ready” but, only a weekend later, was suddenly not ready.  Knockout had no response. 

Likewise, Knockout’s vendors did not properly affix lighting or faucets and, it took until roughly a month or two after when the project was supposed to be completely over to fix most (but not all) of these issues.   Knockout cannot provide any justification or excuse for their errors.  These “small, sloppy” errors occurred throughout the project, for which Knockout billed us tens of thousands of dollars.  More on these damages are discussed in section (E), below.

C. “Don’t Get Fat”
One day, Mr. Daskalakis asked me to walk back and forth between a wall and shower in the master bathroom and complained the space was very narrow and he never could have anticipated how narrow it would be.  He advised me, “Don’t get fat.”

This is problematic for many reasons and, as an example, typifies the general theme of what occurred throughout the construction.  As the designer, Mr. Daskalakis both could and should not only have anticipated but clearly known the proportions of the rooms he himself designed.  To throw away an error and advise a client to deal with it by not getting fat is unprofessional, at best.  When I tried to raise concerns, I would be talked over and mansplained to.

D. Incorrectly Installed Plumbing – Twice.
After Knockout left the property, informing us that all rooms were ready for use subject to the items that Knockout did not install in time,we discovered that no water at all came out of the Master Bath shower head.  After all the other issues we endured, a sealed up wall with brand new plumbing did not work.  

Plumbers were scheduled to come to address yet more incorrectly installed fixtures (master bath tub spout and guest bath thermostatic control), and we retested the master shower to make sure it worked.  We were shocked to see no water came out of the showerhead again.  The plumbers’ said it was “another bad piece”.  That was their response to the first time the shower did not work.  It is highly unlikely that pieces bought months a part had the same bad issue when the other pieces of the same kind bought at the same time did not.  Plumbing and tiling had to be re-done several times to address this, which took much more time and caused significant inconvenience.

E. “Small” Avoidable Damages Throughout Add Up
There were multiple small but aggravating issues throughout such as grouting without cleaning so there was dirt, dust and debris dried into the grout, missing grout in some places, damages to the walls in the main living areas from construction workers and tools, clogged pipes from the sink being used (against our specific instructions) for mixing chemicals, staining to the toilet, damage and debris to the sink, mirrors, etc.  There were a myriad of other "small" issues that were, at best, disappointing, especially given the amount of money we were spending for a "concierge" service.  There were also major clean up issues.  As we discussed at the beginning, keeping the construction zone to the two bathrooms and the room between them was of paramount importance.  Instead, the construction zone was spread throughout the entire home.  Chemical solvents were mixed in the living room, kitchen and bathroom.  Drilling took place in our living room and nobody thought to clean up afterwards.  There were shoe marks and heavy thick layers of dust on uncovered floors throughout.  No effort was made to cover food surfaces, kitchen cupboards, open dishware, air/ac units, windows and furniture such as a side table which was covered with plaster dust, dried solvent and other debris.  Framed art was treated roughly and knocked out of its matting and two pictures needed to be professionally repaired.

Another example of the repeated small details that were continuously overlooked: no one over a 2.5 month project bothered to check the bathtub motor plug to see that it was a Canadian plug.  On the date we were supposed to receive our useable master bathroom it could not be plugged in.  We were told it needed an adapter to plug in but no one had obtained one.  Days later we learned that this was incorrect.  Instead, Knockout’s team just had not seen the separate plug that was already provided with the product and had been there all along.  They missed a simple item of seeing a plug that needed to be plugged in.

Even our closet did not go unscathed.  An eveining gown (?!) and a bed sheet were used as drop cloths and were stained and mis-handled during construction.  A ceramic elephant, given us by a now deceased grandparent, was left in the construction zone despite warnings to move it.  Ultimately, the elephant got knocked about and a move was forced.  Luckily, the elephant survived but this is another small example of not respecting the clients’ property in the way you might, for example, respect your own.

This is only a partial list of “small” items, however, added together, they create an atmosphere of failure of attention to detail and disrespect of the client(s) and lack of oversight by the project coordinator (s).

What should have happened?  
• A project coordinator should do just that:  coordinate the project.  That means overseeing, supervising and following up.  It means adequately staffing the project and ensuring sufficient hours are worked to get the job done right and on time.  Sometimes, you have to give people deadlines and follow up more than once.  That’s part of the job.
• Listen to the client(s) AND the vendor(s).  They may have valuable information that can help you be more efficient.  The vendors repeatedly vocally begged for more advance notice of the tasks they needed to do and what their deadlines were and complained about multiple crews (e.g., plumbing and electrician and painter) being stacked on top of one another without guidance so nobody could get work done and fights broke out.  Had the vendors been listened to and their concerns addressed, the project would have moved much more quickly.
• Don’t wait until two days before a drop dead deadline to call your vendors about missing pieces and then tell the client(s) and say oh, well, “fingers crossed” it works out.  Clients don’t want your fingers to be crossed.  They want you to be a competent professional who they feel comfortable can handle the job.

What DID Work?  
• Some of the individual vendors (electrician, painter, etc.) we met personally were very kind and appeared to take pride in their craftsmanship.

II. Failure to Properly Oversee
A. Allergies and Asthma
For anyone with allergies and asthma or a family member or friend who suffers from severe allergies and asthma, you know these conditions are very serious and potentially life threatening.  They are not a joke.  We were very clear with Knockout, from before we ever entered into an agreement, that containing construction debris was of paramount importance.   Knockout agreed and assured us it would be no problem; that they would drape everything, run an industrial grade HEPA air filter and keep the construction zone to the enclosed area between the two bathrooms and the two bathrooms themselves.  The project coordinator was responsible for ensuring that this would be done.  As mentioned above, Knockout staff requested we move out for the renovation, which, at great personal expense, we did.  We returned about two weeks before the project completion deadline and one week before the anticipated finish date (remember that we started the project a week early).  We trusted the Knockout coordinator(s) to oversee and supervise and ensure the project was done in a manner consistent with our agreement, however, when we returned, the air was full of dust, the HEPA filter, while there, was very dirty, not running when we arrived, and the filter looked old and clogged and clearly had not been changed anytime recently.  Multiple areas had not been draped, including the kitchen, which was covered in a layer of dust and debris, and the HVAC units, which we had to turn off immediately after turning on the AC and having debris shoot up into our faces like mini projectiles.  Our brand new wood floors were dirty throughout the entire apartment.  Within a week of being back, one family member had to go on steroids.  We had to replace multiple of our own air filters, again, at great personal expense.   On one day, after we moved back into our home, Mr. Daskalakis took off his glasses and laid them on the kitchen counter.  When he picked them up again, he complained at the amount of construction dust on them.  We noted it was a real problem and asked about the draping and why the HEPA wasn’t running.  Mr. Daskalakis replied that really, we should have moved out and should not be there.  We replied that we did move out, for two months, and the project was supposed to have been done already.  When it became clear that Mr. Daskalakis had nothing further to say on the subject, we draped the inside of our own closet and plugged in and ran the HEPA air filter ourselves.  These are very simple actions that any project coordinator should have been able to quickly and easily implement to minimize pollution, discomfort and health hazards.

What should have happened?  
• A project coordinator should have ensured proper draping of vents, furniture and areas where food is prepared
• A project coordinator should have ensured that rips and tears in the existing draping were patched with tape.  
• A project coordinator should have properly educated his or her crew on special medical needs, the necessity of running the HEPA throughout and protecting the floors, furniture, and keeping the construction to the three areas agreed upon, as opposed to spreading it throughout the entire home
• When asked by the client to drape something or run the HEPA, the coordinator should do so unless there is some sort of exigent circumstance that militates against doing so (which there was not)

III. Communication Breakdown 
A. Failure to Communicate
Knockout failed to keep us apprised of their lack of progress and delays.  When we returned to our home after two months, we were shocked by how little had been done.  Despite knowing how behind schedule they were and that they had no legitimate justification, Knockout continued to bill us tens of thousands of dollars between the start of the project and the current date.

Knockout did not give us adequate notice they would fail to meet the drop dead date, which Knockout was informed was critical to accommodate business and personal needs.  Indeed, up to the day of the deadline, Knockout staff assured us they would in fact meet the deadline.  Actually, they failed to do so and the water did not even run in the bathroom.  Knockout sent one single cleaner to handle a significant clean up job and we ended up having to oversee Knockout’s errors and last minute “emergencies.”  Knockout caused us embarrassment and significant financial hardship.  The facts can only lead us to believe that Knockout agreed to things they couldn’t or wouldn’t do simply to get us to sign the agreement and to take our money.  

B. Excuses Instead of Solutions
As soon as we returned after the first two months of construction and saw the state of the project and the damage to our personal property, we notified Knockout.  We were positive and constructive, going through exactly what had gone wrong and how it could be fixed.  Knockout made many excuses – blaming their vendors, blaming slow elevators, blaming traffic – but did not offer any constructive solutions, nor did they take into consideration any of the remedies we suggested, such as improved, structured methods of communication or a having vendors work a full day instead of a quarter or a half day.

What should have happened?  
• A project coordinator should have provided the client with a reasonable schedule and kept them apprised of the general status of the project to prevent surprises
• A project coordinator should have offered positive and constructive solutions instead of excuses.  For example, instead of complaining “just because [x] happened while we were here doesn’t mean it’s our fault…”  a more appropriate and professional response would be, “[x] happened because [y], which we know from [z] and we’ve addressed it by [a].  Thank you for bringing it to our attention.”  The second method of communication shows a level of professionalism and pride in one’s work, a respect of the client(s) and a genuine desire and willingness to problem-solve constructively.  The first exhibits a “CYA” (Cover Your A**”) mentality of excuses, avoidance and obfuscation.  That kind of attitude engenders anger and frustration from the client(s); whereas the first response engenders a feeling of gratitude and validation – even if the problem isn’t necessarily completely solved, the clients feel good because they perceive the coordinator respects them and is working hard to address their concerns and will thus be far more forgiving if things don’t work out entirely the way they’re supposed to.

• A project coordinator should have been sure to be in regular and consistent with her or his vendors and crew to avoid surprises, such as telling the client 48 hours before a drop dead deadline that, actually, the project may be delayed for two more weeks, without any justification other than trying to blame it on others.

• Passing the buck.  The coordinator(s) should not be blaming the crew, the vendors, etc., since they’re responsible for selecting these people and maintaining open and regular communication with them to address issues promptly when they arise, not letting the ball drop and waiting until the last minute when it’s too late.  Inability to accept responsibility for dropping the ball and consistently blaming others for every issue only makes you look bad.  The better course of action s to accept responsibility and take positive and constructive action to fix issues promptly as they arise.  This is basic business 101.

What DID Work?  
• On communication, very little, unfortunately.  This is a serious area in which Knockout must improve if it cares about its customer and vendor relationships.

Since Then:
Our neighbors complained of water leaking and alleged Knockout improperly dumped construction debris down the drains, causing clogs in the pipes that ruptured one, causing leaking.  Knockout did ultimately repair this, but it felt like a never-ending train wreck.

Overall Takeaway
We appreciated some of the craftsmen we met who were very kind to us.  We trusted Knockout to do their job and therefore did not really become involved with the individual workers until we came back two months into the renovation and it really hit home how terribly Knockout had failed to properly or efficiently coordinate or oversee the project, but in that limited time we had with the individual craftsmen, they were polite to us, although they expressed a significant amount of frustration with Knockout.

I would not use Knockout again.  They failed to keep their promises, did not deliver what they said they would when they said they would and they did not properly staff the project, leading to a complete breakdown of communication and massive amounts of unnecessary stress.  This renovation should have gone very smoothly.  No unexpected or exigent problems arose.  The issues that arose were the general, run-of-the-mill issues that anyone who has done a renovation before comes to expect, anticipate and plan for.  

Perhaps most disappointing of all was going to the owner, Keith, with our concerns and not receiving much in the way of a response other than “I’m sorry you’re frustrated.”  I would have preferred positive and constructive solutions.  What I got was last minute meetings that delayed, demoralized and distracted the on-site crew and gave the project coordinator the opportunity to raise numerous unhelpful excuses (as opposed to solutions (like telling me not to get fat - so helpful)).  In fact, soon after we initially spoke to Keith, the project coordinator went on vacation, even though our project was nearly a month behind schedule, leaving us to repeatedly call and email random Knockout staff for estimated times of completion. 

The time and costs of this project – including “little” things, ranging from the evening gown ruined in the closet to the diploma that had to be repaired and reframed due to rough treatment to the multiple medical grade air filters to the long term hotel stays (when originally Knockout told us we could stay home during the reno, which people do all the time) to our personal sheets and towels being used as drapes and ruined to the powder room being left with fecal matter and other unpleasant materials dripping down the side of the toilet and left for the clients to clean to having to put guests in hotel rooms because they couldn’t stay with us post the drop dead deadline that Knockout failed to meet to a bizarre dishwasher short – were not worth the end result. 

The bathrooms are superficially pretty though still sporting damages which have yet to be repaired, which is sort of nice, but not nice enough to have put us through all of this. 

I recently learned activated charcoal can help with hangovers.  Let's just say I personally tested this one out and yes, it does work.  I created my own little detox drink using activated charcoal, however, before using it, keep in mind that activated charcoal doesn't just prevent your body from absorbing nasty toxins and metals, it can also prevent you from absorbing good vitamins and minerals, so, in moderation!  Not for everyday!  I use it primarily when I've been out in smog and pollution for too long and feel awful or when hungover.  Here it is:

1.  16 oz cold water
2.  3 capsules activated charcoal from a good vitamin store
3.  Pinch lavender (optional)
4.  Juice from one organic lemon 
5.  Pinch of stevia for sweetness

​Ahhhhhhhh.

My significant other and I have started doing a pizza and wine night once a week and it is AWESOME.  I want to share with you my favorite pizza recipe that is healthy, carb-conscious, cruelty-free, lactose-free, and 100% delicious!

You will need:

1.  A cauliflower pizza crust.  Trader Joe's makes a good, inexpensive one you can find in their frozen food section or you can make your own!  For how to make your own, click here.

2.  Spaghetti sauce

3.  Veggies of your choice:  I use sliced onions, sliced multicolored bell peppers, olives, and various kinds of sliced mushrooms  (my significant other uses Smart Life vegan pepperoni or vegan chorizo with diced pineapple on his, along with lemon, olive oil, dill and arugula; you can try all kinds of healthy options!)

4.  Cashew Cream (the cheese part):  for this you'll need 2 cups of raw cashews that have been soaked overnight in filtered water,  2 T chickpea miso paste, 1 T coconut oil, 1/4 c nutritional yeast, 1/2 t Celtic sea salt, 1 T fresh lemon juice, and 1 c boiling water.  Combine all those ingredients in a blender and then smother your tasty pizza with it.  

I put the tomato sauce and veggies on my cauliflower crust, bake it and then, after it is out of the oven, smother it with the warm cashew cream sauce and then throw on some dill and other herbs to taste.  It's heaven.

My significant other prefers to put his cashew cream on the crust first, add his toppings and then bake it all at once.  It creates a different (but equally delicious) texture.  Try both ways and see which way you like!  If you have extra of the cashew cream, use it as a dip for nacho chips.  Tasty goodness and, not only is it lactose-free and cruelty-free, the cashews are rich in zinc (good for your skin) and vitamins E, K, and B6, along with minerals like copper, phosphorus, magnesium, iron, and selenium, all of which are important for maintaining good bodily function.

Enjoy!

  ​There is a tide of terrible news right now and it’s easy to get caught in it, overwhelmed by it and swept away with it in a sea of “This is too much!  What can I do?  Everyone is horrible!  I give up!”
 
One morning, I watched video feed of a desperate dolphin thrashing and trying to escape the nets of Japanese fishermen who planned to kill her to sell her to an aquarium; her nearby family trying desperately to save her, in a panic.  It filled me with sorrow and rage.  I wanted to put the Japanese fishermen in some horrible aquarium tank and leave them there forever.  I wanted to cut the nets away from the poor dolphin.  But I couldn’t do any of those things.  I could just watch helplessly over a video feed an ocean away.   The rage and feeling of helplessness carried with me throughout the day.  I looked at the people around me and wondered if they cared; if they could just as easily slaughter an intelligent, sentient being in front of her family.   It impacted how I interacted with those around me throughout that day and into the next.  Just about every morning, I read another story of some terrible thing our so-called president is doing – from sexually assaulting women to making racist comments to enabling the destruction of the environment to provoking potential nuclear war – and I feel terrible and helpless, overwhelmed and angry.
 
The negativity is catching.
 
Recently, I was at an event with a friend some of you may know - Alex Ong - and a group of his friends who I had never met before.  They, of course, asked how I knew Alex and I asked them how they’d first met him.  The first friend of his said, “Oh, I met him because we both volunteered for the Red Cross after the hurricane down south.  We drove there together and volunteered there, aiding the disaster victims.”  I was impressed. 
 
Later, I asked Alex how that came about.  My first perception of him is as a very sophisticated, dapper guy in the finance area who is a really good person and also a very busy person and, limited mind that I have, I didn’t immediately visualize him working in warehouses distributing disaster supplies or driving large trucks in a hurricane ravaged city for mobile feeding.   Yet, that is what he did. 
 
He explained he read a newspaper story (I had read it, too; I think most of us have) about a mother who drowned in the floodwaters, but her baby lived, clinging to the mother’s floating body.   When I read that story, I thought, “How sad.  How tragic.”  And I went to work and to the gym and made my dinner like usual.  When Alex saw the story, he thought, “How sad.  How tragic.  I HAVE TO HELP.”  And he called the Red Cross and volunteered and went to help.  
 
After listening to his story, I was inspired. That’s actually a petty small word to describe how I felt about his kindness, compassion and selflessness.   
 
I mentioned his courage and kindness to a mutual friend and she was unsurprised and added that, in addition, Alex had been the first male to ever volunteer at the shelter she worked at providing assistance to victims of domestic violence and abuse. 
 
He does all these good deeds as a matter of course.  This is how he lives his life.  He doesn’t live tweet every moment and ask for recognition for all his good works.  He simply does them.
 
I don’t have the funds to go to Japan and try to help the dolphin in the net but, as Helen Keller said, “I am only one, but I am still one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.” I can share the story of the dolphin.  I can boycott aquariums and take the pledge not to support organizations that profit from the abuse of animals.  And I can help people in my own city.  A few days after hearing Alex’s story, I contacted the Red Cross to see how I, too, could help. 
 
Alex’s kindness was catching!
 
Another friend, who I went to school with, vanished for three days.  When he showed up after his unexplained absence, acting as though nothing had happened, I demanded to know where he had gone and whether he was alright.  He assured me he was fine and, at my insistence, reluctantly divulged that he had received a newsletter from his college fraternity featuring a photo of the frat house that showed a Confederate flag displayed over the door.  My friend, who is white, was so upset by the photo, he booked a plane ticket that very day, marched into his fraternity and personally sat down with the brothers who were in charge of the house to tell them he could not abide by that flag hanging on the fraternity he loved and guess what?  He convinced them to take it down, apologize and promise not to put it up again.  This didn’t happen with fanfare or media.  It happened quietly, with a group of young men sitting privately in a room in a fraternity house.  The flag came down.  My friend booked another plane ticket and went home.  THAT was why he’d been gone for three days.  I was flabbergasted.  I asked why he didn’t tell anyone. What if his objections had not been kindly met?  What if he’d been attacked?  My friend was nonplussed.  He just said, “I know that house.  I was a brother there.  I know I can handle myself.  I didn’t want to tell people what I was doing or where I was going and make a big deal of it.  I just wanted to make the brothers understand what that flag really means and I wanted them to take it down; that’s all.”  And he quietly went back to work.  He didn’t ask for accolades or pats on the back.  He did what was right because it was right and asked for nothing in return.
 
I share these two stories because I think it’s really important that we don’t allow the tidal wave of negative news to so overwhelm us that we become unmoving and uncaring.  We all CAN do something to help in some way, big or small, and it all matters.  Let my friends inspire you, too, and get up and do whatever it is that you can do.

Hey...will you send an e-letter to Prime Minister Abe to stop the dolphin slaughter while you're at it?  ;)
https://dolphinproject.com/take-action/save-japan-dolphins/

​In order to combat gender biases, we need to be aware of them.  Developing this awareness is deeply uncomfortable because when we look into that mirror and see our own reflections, we may not like what we see and it’s easier to cover the mirror or deny or defend the reflection than to address it head on.  I am no more immune than the next person to culturally programmed gender bias.  My own Eureka moment happened because of two incidents that occurred over a 12-month timespan.  I was on a conference call with a female colleague and several male opposing counsel.  Over the line, we all heard a baby.  There was surprised silence and my female colleague apologized – she was holding her baby and doing the call at the same time.  At that time, I silently thought, “Jeesh!  How unprofessional.  Couldn’t she have put the baby in another room for the call?”  I didn’t say anything aloud, however, silently, I negatively judged her.  Fast forward 12 months.  I was on another conference call with a group of males.  Again, the sound of a baby and surprised silence.  This time, a man spoke up and said, “Sorry, I have Junior Counsel here with me today.”  We all laughed and I thought, “How cute!  How sweet!”  It was not until I was on the train home that night that I thought of the other conference call the year before and how I had judged the woman negatively for the same conduct I had positively judged the man for.  I was ashamed and I vowed to do better.  I couldn’t erase ingrained biases overnight but I could develop mindfulness and awareness of them so that, when they popped up, I could shine a spotlight on them, call them out for what they were and reject them.
 
With the Weinstein sexual harassment headlines and #MeToo trending, the positive upside is awareness and discussion.  The downside is that it’s easy to jump on a trendy bandwagon and say “Oh yeah!  I am totally opposed to gender bias!” without bothering to do the actual WORK behind that statement – creating awareness, dialogue and speaking up against gender bias even when you’re the only one and it’s uncomfortable to do so.  I was going to write a blog post about all the more egregious instances of sexual harassment I’ve experienced and witnessed, however, a tiny social media post last week changed my mind.  I’m not going to tell stories of sexual violence.  Instead, I’m going to start with something very small and very common.  Something that is a consistent part of the fabric of many women’s daily lives – the micro aggressions that silence, demean and delegitimize us, sometimes with the best of intentions or, more commonly, without conscious awareness of bias.
 
Recently, I attended a film screening followed by a Q & A with the filmmaker.  In the Q&A, a woman from the audience asked, "Where were the women [in the film]?" The filmmaker sighed and said "…gender..." in a very dramatic eye-rolling type of tone, after which he and the majority of the audience had a good laugh at the expense of the woman who asked the question. He then said, "They were on the sidelines. Did I answer the question?"  The way in which he dismissed the woman and the way the audience laughed at her saddened me.  It demonstrated for me how far we had to go, as a society, to achieve gender equality.  I wrote a short social media post on my private page about the woman’s question and the filmmaker’s response to it.  I did not name the filmmaker or the film festival the screening was in, choosing to focus only on the filmmaker’s response, the audience’s laughter and my resulting disappointment.
 
Almost immediately, a respected film blogger posted a long and emotional comment to my private post, saying I had not told the whole story.  He proceeded to specifically name the filmmaker, the film and the festival at which the event had taken place, noting he had been there, and provided some compliments to the filmmaker’s style (writing that the filmmaker “immerse(s) the audience experientially”) and then defended the film for not including women (saying, basically, it was a story about men and not women) and then insinuated that, by expressing concern over an individual’s dismissiveness toward the woman who asked about female perspectives in his film, I had somehow maligned the entire film festival (“There's plenty of institutions worth condemning, but the […]fest is certainly not one of them”) – this despite the facts that (1) I never named any film festival and (2) my comment was solely about the action of one individual and the audience response to him. 
 
The blogger admitted the filmmaker’s comments I had complained about were “flippant and dismissive” but reprimanded me for supposedly making it “seem” like the filmmaker’s comments went unchallenged (they did).  He noted a female panelist, whose name he admitted forgetting, responded to the question.  What actually happened was the sole female on that particular panel made a comment in response to the question, “Where are the women?”  Her comment was that it was a situation like war and women stay home to make munitions while men fight, which didn't come off as a challenge to me at all, nor did it address the filmmaker’s dismissiveness, and that’s why I thought it unimportant to include in my small, private post that, again, simply expressed sadness over one filmmaker’s reaction to a woman asking a valid question.   I didn’t demean or even so much as name the film festival (the blogger did that), nor did I write a critique of the film itself. 
 
I go through this whole social media post because of the vehemence of the blogger’s response to it.  He insisted the filmmaker’s behavior should not be referenced in conjunction with scandals the level of, for example, Weinstein and chided me, saying he was “surprised” I would post this.  That my short expression of concern over a man dismissing a woman’s legitimate question about gender issues in a film received such a hostile response surprised me.  Then, another male – one, who was not even at the Q&A – promptly “liked” the blogger’s remonstration. 
 
Responses back and forth ensued between myself and the blogger.  What became painfully clear to me was that this tiny social media disagreement reflected the bigger picture of the way our society commonly treats gender issues.  I questioned a man for dismissing a woman’s valid question and was promptly reprimanded, with the implication being that I was trying to denigrate an entire film festival.  This parallels, on a micro level, the woman who raises the issue of an inappropriate sexual comment in the workplace and is treated as though doing so means she is disloyal to the company they work for and/or experiences her colleagues complaining openly or passively that she is “emotional, “ “overly sensitive” woman and why is she making a big deal of one little thing and why can’t she just be quiet and get along?   The company is a great company!  Why is this woman raising issues?
 
Similarly, when Weinstein victims openly complained about his conduct, many reported having those they told respond in a nonchalant fashion, “Oh, that’s just Harvey.”  No big deal.  Why are you making waves?
 
As Laurie Penny wrote, women who speak out “risk being iced out of your industry, called a liar and a lunatic, and being shamed and humiliated in public and punished in private.  That’s how structures of oppression work – by excusing almost everyone involved from acknowledging what’s happening” … “On the scale of convenient self-delusion, ‘We didn’t know that every industry on earth was riddled with sexual violence’ falls somewhere between ‘That guy will never make it to the White House’ and ‘It’s just a rash.’” … “Really knowing requires everyone to act according to their consciences.  So nobody knows.”[1]
 
In my own wee little personal social media microcosm, two men tried – perhaps unconsciously and perhaps with good intentions – to silence my critique of another man by conflating the critique to an attack on an entire film festival, chiding me for supposedly not giving both sides of the story (man #1) and supporting the remonstration without any knowledge of the actual situation (man #2).  Only one person – my husband, who also attended the Q&A – came to my defense, simply pointing out the obvious, that I was raising the issue of a woman being silenced and demeaned for raising a gender issue, not attacking a film festival.  His point was to have a disagreement, sure, but disagree over the actual point, the actual comment.   It reminded me of the time I posted (again, on a private social media page) about a male colleague who announced on a business call that I was a “6 out of 10.”  Nobody touched that comment with a ten foot pole.
 
So why the anger over me using a personal platform to express a viewpoint?  Our society doesn’t typically reward loud women.  As actor Alyssa Milano explained, “To give women a platform enables us all to feel how enormous of an issue this kind of abuse [gender bias] is.  We’ve been so silenced, we don’t realize there is a community out there that’s ready to embrace us.”[2]  Except, where IS that embrace over the daily micro indignities we endure every day?  The micro aggressions that pave the path for the Weinsteins of the world?
 
In writing about the #MeToo tweets, Susanna Schrobsdorff wrote, “I’m sure some men recognize their own behavior in those tweets.  Maybe they’re ashamed of their actions or their complicity.  Maybe they learned something about what women go through” … “Clearly, we have a lot of cultural baggage.”  She continues, “Is it possible for men to ask women if they’ve done something to make them uncomfortable or scared?  And if they did, would we answer no when we meant yes so as not to offend?  I’m not sure.  But maybe more honesty is something we can salvage from this awful swamp.  It’d be a start anyway.”[3]
 
In the instance of my little post, complaining about the one man’s comment, I would have welcomed debate over his responses to the question, “Where are the women?”, however, I do not welcome being attacked for things I never did – like denigrating a film festival.  So, maybe what Schrobsdorff is talking about happened here.  Maybe the reflection is too much for some people, who see their own faces on the filmmaker and hear their own voices coming from his lips and, instead of using that to create awareness, feel the need to defend or deny?  Maybe? 
 
I love debate.  I don’t mind conflict at all – I think it’s healthy – as long as it’s on point, informed and constructive.  So by all means, debate me on whether or not the filmmaker’s response to the woman’s question showed gender bias.  Debate me on whether his actions were objectionable.  I welcome the discussion!  Disagreement is fine.  Debate is good.  Emotional attacks and a refusal to look beyond dogma, however, are not.
 
Perhaps a lot of people see their own countenance on Dorian Gray and, instead of addressing personal biases head on, rush to throw a canvas over the painting and say everything is fine.  Don’t critique the painting!  If you do, you’ll be told you’re responsible for closing down the museum that houses it.  Just be quiet.  Don’t rock the boat.  Don’t make a scene.  Be a good girl.  Shhhhhh.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


[1] Time, October 30, 2017.  Women Will Be The Ones To Decide What Happens Next by Laurie Penny.

[2] Time, October 30, 2017.  Why I Said #MeToo by Alyssa Milano.

[3] Time, October 30, 2017.  When Men See Other Men Bahaving Badly by Susanna Schrobsdorff.

Picture:  Ethics Unwrapped, the University of Texas at Austin